


Given It All

by glittermerm



Category: All For the Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: M/M, Raven!Neil
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2017-08-25
Packaged: 2018-07-12 13:41:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 25,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7107211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glittermerm/pseuds/glittermerm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Raised to be a Raven, Nathaniel knows his place as #3 in Riko's perfect court. But when #2 Kevin leaves, Riko doesn't forgive him, and neither does Nathaniel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Nathaniel.”

The voice is fuzzy, far away.

“Nathaniel, look at me.”

The voice is clearer this time, cutting through the fog. Nathaniel’s eyes land on Jean, crouched in front of him, a wad of bloody paper towels in his hand.

“There you are, little one,” Jean says, giving Nathaniel the small smile Jean reserves just for him.

Nathaniel tries to muster a glare at the nickname, but he’s too busy trying to make the world make sense again. “What?” is the only word he can get out.

Jean’s smile drops as he dabs at Nathaniel’s face again, ignoring the hiss of pain Nathaniel makes.

“Nothing’s broken, but your face isn’t going to pretty for a while,” Jean says with a small frown.

Nathaniel reaches up, and carefully probes his face. There isn’t a spot that doesn’t hurt. He pulls himself to his feet, his head throbbing with the effort. He stumbles forward to the sink, grateful at least that Jean carried him to the bathroom instead of leaving him defenseless with the older Ravens still around. Jean isn’t wrong, his face is a fucking mess. His lip is split, and his nose is still bleeding. He can already see the bruises welling up around his eyes. He’s lucky his nose isn’t broken.

It takes him another minute to remember what exactly caused the explosion of violence from Riko, and when he does he curses Kevin Day’s name.

“What the actual fuck does he think he’s doing?” Nathaniel spits blood into the sink. “The Foxes? Of all the fucking teams he could have picked, he picks the worst team. Is he trying to make a fool out of Riko? Trying to get all of us killed?” His hands curl into fists against the porcelain of the sink. Just hours earlier, Kevin had announced his plan to return to playing Exy in the fall--as one of the Palmetto State Foxes. He’d turned his back on the Ravens, on Riko, on Jean, on Nathaniel, and Nathaniel was angry.

Jean’s face was sympathetic when his reflection appeared in the mirror. “I can’t pretend to know his motivations. But he must have his reasons,” Jean answers, laying a hand on Nathaniel’s shoulder and spinning him around. Nathaniel glares at him. Jean ignores the look and finishes cleaning the blood off Nathaniel’s face.

Nathaniel waits until Jean is done before continuing, because he’s not done with this conversation. “No reason is good enough to turn his back on the Master, on us, on everything we’ve worked to achieve. He’s spitting in our face, and for what? Some third rate team that doesn’t even deserve to be part of the league.”

Jean shrugs, but Nathaniel can see the shift in his emotions. Jean is starting to understand. Jean is 4, he doesn’t get as much of Riko’s abuse as Nathaniel does. Nathaniel didn’t used to, but ever since Kevin ran away, Riko has demanded more and more of his time and attention. Nathaniel steels himself against the shudder trying to rip through his body, but Jean feels it anyway and grips Nathaniel’s shoulder harder.

“This year isn’t going to be easy for any of us,” Jean starts, then stops, considering his words before going on. “It’s going to try all of us, especially you and me. And it’s just going to get worse when the season starts. Stay on Riko’s good side, Nathaniel. This is your first season and you’re bound to make the starting line-up. So don’t fuck it up. Because if you do, you fuck it up for both of us. And if you think Riko was harsh to Kevin, think again. He’s going to be harder on either of us than he ever was on Kevin.” The sympathy is gone from his voice now that Nathaniel is patched up. That kind of softness never lasts long; you have to be hard, to be cruel, to be a Raven.

Nathaniel looks away from Jean’s piercing glare, noticing the scraped knuckles Jean has clamped around his shoulder. He wonders who Jean punched. He hopes it was Riko, but in all likelihood it was a freshman who got too close. Nathaniel shrugs the hand off his shoulder. “Where do we need to be?” he asks, letting his calm and collected Raven façade slide back into place.

“Bed. You were out of it for a while, and the Master stopped practice early after Riko hit three more people in the face. Said he couldn’t have his whole starting line benched when there’s a game in two days.” Jean is already walking away as he speaks, and Nathaniel follows, suddenly feeling exhausted. He’s not sure how late it is, and he doesn’t want to find out. He doesn’t want to know how much sleep he’s not going to get.

The Nest is completely dark, but they both know how to navigate it by now. Jean pushes the door open to their room and shuts it behind them. Nathaniel flicks on the light. Their room is sparse, lacking decorations. Neither of them has a home besides the Nest. They’ve been abandoned by their families; they have no one to miss. Only when he’s alone, which is so rarely, does Nathaniel allow himself to remember his mother: her warm eyes, her arms protecting him from his father. It had been in vain. She had died, and Nathaniel had been sold to the Ravens. He was ten. Now he’s just turned eighteen and it doesn’t really hurt anymore.

He peels his shirt off and tosses it in the direction of his laundry hamper. It’s covered in blood; he’ll have to throw it away. He doesn’t miss the weight of Jean’s eyes on him. He leans back against the door, a smirk on his face. 

“Yeah?” he asks, and Jean nods, pushing off his bed. He crowds Nathaniel against the door and kisses him. It’s all teeth and tongue, and blood when his lip opens again, but neither of them care. This isn’t romance. It’s stress relief, it’s fun in a place where fun is rare, it’s better than his own fist.

Jean bites his way down Nathaniel’s chest, scraping against scars, and Nathaniel groans, fisting his hands in Jean’s hair and hurrying him downward. Jean tugs his shorts down and Nathaniel helpfully kicks them off. Jean takes him down to the base in one swift movement and Nathaniel jerks forward, the breath punched out of him.

Jean works Nathaniel at a brutal pace and it isn’t long until he’s spilling into Jean’s mouth, his hands tight in his hair, holding Jean in place until Nathaniel can breathe again. He pulls Jean off of him. Nathaniel slides his hand down Jean’s shorts when Jean stands up, returning the favor.

He doesn’t know how much later it is, time passes oddly in the Nest. But Nathaniel is staring into the blackness of their room.

“I’m going to destroy Kevin.”

Jean doesn’t answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been itching to write a Raven!Nathaniel fic for awhile, as it's one of my favorite tropes. So, I finally did it! Updates are going to be sporadic as I write the chapters. I'm going on vacation in two weeks, and moving in four, so please be patient if there's some gaps between updates.  
> If there are any errors, please let me know, as this hasn't been beta read!  
> I also haven't decided if this is going to be Andreil or Kandreil so feel free to weigh in ;)  
> And as always, feel free to come hang out on Tumblr with me @lesbianreneewalker!


	2. Chapter 2

Morning comes too soon. Nathaniel feels as though he’s just fallen asleep when Jean shakes him awake. He groans and rolls over towards the wall, tugging his blanket over his head. He can feel Jean’s stare but ignores it. Riko is already using him as a personal punching bag, how bad could it be if he’s five minutes late? He hears Jean’s footsteps leaving the room and lets himself doze back off.

The next time Jean wakes him up, he’s not gentle about it. Nathaniel jerks awake as his blanket is ripped away and falls off the bed trying to cling to it, landing on the floor with a loud thump. He glares up at Jean, but the other boy doesn’t answer; instead, he merely shoves a cup of coffee into Nathaniel’s hands. Nathaniel mutters under his breath as he climbs to his feet and downs his coffee.

“You have ten minutes to be in gear and on the court. I can’t help you if you’re late,” Jean calls over his shoulder as he leaves the room again. Nathaniel sighs and swallows the last bit of his coffee. He grabs the nearest set of clean clothes and throws them on quickly before following Jean out of the room. He isn’t really in the mood to deal with Riko, but delaying it would just be worse.

He’s the last one on the court, and Riko’s eyes land on him the second the doors to the court bang shut. “You’re late.” Riko’s voice is cold and aloof, and Nathaniel holds back a flinch. That tone of voice never bodes well. He wasn’t late, he made sure, but he isn’t about to argue that to Riko.

“I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.” Nathaniel drops to one knee, hoping it’ll appease Riko.

Riko considers him for a moment before sneering. “See that it doesn’t.” He turns his back to Nathaniel. Jean meets Nathaniel’s eye across the court, and Nathaniel moves to join him.

Practice is brutal. Nathaniel is finding sore spots he didn’t realize he had. His elbow and the back of his head throb from where he hit the floor the night before, after Riko knocked him out. He’s exhausted and really wants to go back to bed, but if he gives anything less than 100%, he’ll pay for it later. By the time morning practice ends 4 hours later, he’s pretty sure he’s either going to pass out or throw up. Possibly both.

He’s immensely thankful for the three hours he has before he has to do anything. Jean has no late morning classes on Thursdays and Nathaniel has never been so grateful for it. He climbs back in bed and passes out immediately while Jean does work at his desk, singing softly in French.

When Jean shakes him awake this time, he feels much better. He lets Jean drag him to the athlete’s cafeteria for lunch. The afternoon he’ll spend in the Nest doing his work online. He’s two months away from finishing high school, and honestly, it’s dragging. There are a few other teenagers in the Nest, but they’re all 13 or 14 and Nathaniel wants nothing to do with them. Spending the afternoon in the same room as them every day is not his favorite thing.

He finishes his work an hour or two before Riko and Jean will be back. Jean and Nathaniel are supposed to be paired, but Nathaniel has never been allowed to go to classes with him, and Riko has taken Jean as his partner for outside the nest now that Kevin is gone. 

When Jean and Riko return, Nathaniel is on the court with the Ravens who’ve already finished classes for the day. They’re scrimmaging, and as usual, Nathaniel’s team is winning. He’s stacked his team with most of the starting line up. Even if he hadn’t, most of them are almost as afraid of getting on Nathaniel’s bad side as they are of getting on Riko’s.

Play stops when the court doors slide open. Riko stands in the doorway, looking for all the world like a king. “Nathaniel, with me. The rest of you get back to practicing.”

Nathaniel follows him off the court, shutting the doors behind him so the others can resume practice. He follows Riko through the winding hallways. He vaguely wonders if he’s done something to piss Riko off, but Riko doesn’t look angry, just arrogant. Nathaniel decides he’ll probably survive whatever they’re headed towards. 

Riko stops in front of one of the conference rooms. Nathaniel opens the door for him, then follows him in. Jean sits in a chair that’s tipped back against the wall, his foot bracing against the table. He lets his chair drop to all fours when Nathaniel shuts the door. Nathaniel drops into a chair next to Jean, and they both look expectantly at Riko.

Riko considers them for a long moment. Nathaniel thinks he’s a fucking drama queen, but he wouldn’t dream of saying that out loud. Finally, Riko opens his mouth.

“We need to discuss Kevin.”

He’s certainly got their attention now.

“We need to decide our next steps. We all know this betrayal cannot go unpunished. Kevin belongs here, useless as he now is,” Riko continues. “Now we need to decide a proper punishment.”

Being Nathaniel has certain perks around The Nest. He may be a high schooler, but he’s also part of Riko’s perfect court, third in command. There are parts of being Riko’s pet that Nathaniel loves, and this is one of them. If it had been a few months before, he would have felt guilty doing this to Kevin, but now he feels invigorated. He is his father’s son, and he neither forgives nor forgets slights. And now, he has Riko’s permission to help make Kevin’s life hell.

“Why don’t you just tell him to come back?” Jean asks. Nathaniel rolls his eyes and Riko glares at Jean. Jean shrugs under the pressure. “He would never disobey you.”

“No, he wouldn’t,” Riko agrees. “But, that’s not the point. Kevin needs to be punished. And after that, he needs to grovel for forgiveness. Then perhaps we’ll let him come home.” Riko turns his eyes toward Nathaniel. “Anything to contribute?”

A sharp, cruel grin spreads across Nathaniel’s face. “Let’s change districts. If that doesn’t scare him into coming back, we’ll humiliate him, and then he’ll have no choice but to come crawling back.” Nathaniel sits back in his chair, pleased at the small smile that now adorns Riko’s face.

“You’re both dismissed,” is Riko’s only answer.

Jean and Nathaniel move to leave, but Riko stops Nathaniel with a hand on his arm, nodding at Jean to go on. Riko tangles a hand in the back of Nathaniel’s auburn curls and pulls him closer, pressing a kiss against his forehead. “You’ve done well.” He releases Nathaniel and leaves the room.

A shudder runs down Nathaniel’s spine. He isn’t sure if it’s from pride, or from fear of what he’s just done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you all so much for reading, and a special thanks to my Emmy for beta reading this for me!  
> I always welcome feedback :)


	3. Chapter 3

The next two months fly by, and before he knows it, it’s May. Nathaniel graduates high school in a very anticlimactic fashion: he submits his last assignment and a “congratulations” page pops up, covered in confetti and with some stupid message about how he’s an adult now. Nathaniel rolls his eyes and shuts the lid of his laptop. He’s just glad to be out of this room.

 

The other teenagers are chattering about summer vacation. Nathaniel forgets sometimes how young they are. It’s their first summer here. They’ll learn quickly that vacations don’t exist in the Nest when they start training with the team this season. Nathaniel almost feels bad. He remembers the first time he practiced with the team. They’d been under strict orders not to go easy on him. He’d ended the day covered in bruises with a mild concussion. Riko found it funny, but Kevin had been more sympathetic, patching Nathaniel back together and setting an alarm to wake him up every couple hours. He’d risked Riko’s wrath sneaking out to check on Nathaniel. 

 

The Raven’s training methods were brutal, but there’s a reason Nathaniel is about to be a starting backliner as a freshman. He should probably warn the kids, but being nice isn’t the way to survive in the Nest. And besides, he really didn’t want any of them running to him the first time someone whacked them in the head with a stick.

 

The real marking of Nathaniel as a college student happens two weeks later, when the Ravens publically announce that they have signed him as a starting backliner for the upcoming season. The release of the news, along with a picture of Nathaniel staring icily into the camera with a 3 tattooed on his cheek, goes viral in a matter of hours. Everyone is clamboring to get the first interview, to find out more about Riko’s #3, the man who’d been hidden until now. There’d been a lot of commotion when Jean had debuted with his 4 tattoo, everyone wondering where 3 was, and finally Nathaniel had arrived. He’d never been so glad to not have to answer phones. 

 

They eventually set up a small press conference for Nathaniel and the other freshman Ravens. Nathaniel has no idea what any of their names are, nor does he particularly care to learn them. There are ten of them all together. Seven will probably make it through the year, and they’ll most likely sit on the bench until they’re juniors. Today they’ll probably get a few polite questions, but the focus is going to be on Nathaniel.

 

He doesn’t particularly like the press. He was raised in a very private household, and after he was sold to the Moriyamas, he rarely ventured into public; he was happy to just play Exy and live his life. Unfortunately, being public and press friendly is part of the job. But he’s been trained well.

 

The questions start out simple enough: where he’s from, where he learned Exy, how long he’s been with the Moriyamas. It’s tedious, but Nathaniel sticks a small smile on his face. He tries redirecting questions to the other freshmen so he can have a break, but it isn’t particularly successful.

 

“Are you close to Kevin Day as well, then?”

 

The smile drops off Nathaniel’s face and he sucks in a breath. He should’ve expected someone to ask about Kevin, but he’s been so caught up in making sure nothing about his family history slipped up that he didn’t prepare himself for this question.

 

What could he say to that? That he’d been inseparable from Kevin Day for the last 8 years? That Kevin had taken him under his wing, protected him from Riko’s wrath? That they were both motherless boys with no one who loved them? That for the last two years, they had been more than just teammates or friends? He thinks of the way Kevin pressed him into a hidden corner, how chapped his lips had been. It was Nathaniel’s first kiss. Kevin was Nathaniel’s first everything.

 

“Am I close to Kevin Day?” Nathaniel taps his fingers against the tabletop as he considers how to answer. “I  _ was _ close to Kevin, yes. Riko, Kevin, Jean and I grew up here together. We were a foursome for many years. They are the older brothers that I never had.”

 

“Does that mean you’re no longer in contact with Kevin, then?” another reporter asks.

 

“I think it would be more accurate to say that Kevin is no longer in contact with me. His injury was hard on all of us, and when he left to coach the Foxes, well, it was the first time I’d been away from him since I was ten. However, he seems to have found a new team, and no longer has time for his brothers.”

 

Someone starts to ask another question, but Nathaniel’s head is buzzing and he needs to get out immediately. He excuses himself, and tries to walk calmly from the room.

 

He practically breaks into a run as soon as the door shuts behind him. He’s trying to leave behind the memories that well up in his mind: Kevin, his big hands on Nathaniel’s hips holding him down, his warm mouth between Nathaniel’s legs. Nathaniel tries to push away every feeling he’s ever had for Kevin, every ounce of love he’s felt. He crashes through the door to his room.

 

Jean is on his feet immediately. “Little one, what’s wrong?” he asks, seeing the desperation in Nathaniel’s eyes. Nathaniel snarls at him, but then Jean’s got his arms around him, and Nathaniel’s knees give out. Jean lowers them down to the floor and pets Nathaniel’s hair. It’s been so long since he’s seen him break down like this. Nathaniel is shaking, and when he doesn’t answer Jean, Jean frowns. He knows Nathaniel’s been at the press conference. But he can’t imagine what could have set Nathaniel off like this.

 

Jean holds Nathaniel until the shaking stops. The younger boy is silent and still, and Jean isn’t sure if he’s even awake. Jean is patient. It’s a few minutes before he feels Nathaniel shift in his arms. Nathaniel fists his hands in Jean’s shirt, clinging to him like a lifeline, burying his face in the crook of Jean’s neck. He takes a shaky breath. “They asked about Kevin,” he mumbles, and Jean hums in response. He doesn’t force Nathaniel to say anything else, content to just hold him until he’s ready to go. Jean knows that Nathaniel’s feelings for Kevin went beyond the playful feelings the two of them have for each other. He has no idea what Kevin feels. 

 

There are no secrets between Jean and Nathaniel. Honesty with each other is what’s kept them alive all of these years.”What do you need from me?” Jean asks, brushing his nose through Nathaniel’s curls. 

 

“Put him out of my mind, please, Jean. I want to forget about him.” Nathaniel is looking up at Jean now, blue eyes wide but dry. Jean hasn’t seen him cry since he was a child.

 

“Come here,” Jean whispers, sliding a hand around the back of Nathaniel’s neck, and pulls him in for a kiss. It’s more gentle than the ones they usually share. Right now, it’s not about getting off. It’s about bringing his partner back to him, about helping Nathaniel bury his weaknesses. It’s to bring back Nathaniel Wesninski, Riko’s right hand man.

 

Jean pushes, deepening the kiss as he pulls Nathaniel back to his feet. Nathaniel has his arms looped around Jean’s neck, chasing the kiss on his tiptoes as Jean straightens fully, and Jean leads them towards his bed. He pulls away and pushes Nathaniel onto the bed. Nathaniel arranges himself, sprawls back against the pillows, and gives Jean a look that has him biting his lip. Jean follows him onto the bed and straddles his knees around Nathaniel’s waist. He moves into kiss him again, fiercer this time. He sucks on Nathaniel’s lower lip, nips at it hard enough to draw blood. He pushes into Nathaniel’s mouth and takes what he wants. Nathaniel is already breathing heavy, his hands gripping Jean’s hair so hard it hurts, but Jean doesn’t mind. This is what Nathaniel wants right now, this is what he needs.

 

Jean pulls away from the kiss and nips across Nathaniel’s jawline, then down his neck, leaving red marks as he goes. He bites Nathaniel’s collarbone and soothes it with tongue. Above him Nathaniel is whining, and Jean can feel his length pressing against his hip. He stops to rid Nathaniel of his overly fancy shirt before continuing to trace a path down with his mouth, latching onto one of Nathaniel’s nipples. Nathaniel keens above him, and Jean puffs out a laugh. Nathaniel has such sensitive nipples and it’s Jean’s favorite thing to torture him with. Jean sucks and laves at one nipple, his fingers pinching and rolling the other. Nathaniel is begging already, tugging at Jean’s hair so hard Jean has to reach up and swat at him before he tugs it out by the roots.

 

Jean waits until Nathaniel is a whimpering mess before he pulls away, admiring the spots across Nathaniel’s chest that he knows will bruise before long. “Pants off,” he tells Nathaniel, climbing off the bed to rid himself of his own clothes. He moves over to his nightstand and pulls out a bottle that’s been shoved to the back of the drawer. When he clicks the cap open, he sees the shiver that ripples down Nathaniel’s spine. 

 

“You’re sure this is what you want?” Jean asks, eyeing the naked boy in his bed. 

 

Nathaniel nods quickly. “Jean, please.”

 

Jean crawls back onto the bed, laying down, pressed against Nathaniel’s side. He pushes Nathaniel’s legs apart and Neil spreads for him. When Jean pushes a slicked finger inside him, Nathaniel whines, and Jean swallows it with a kiss. Jean waits until Nathaniel is pushing back against him before he slips a second finger in, quickly followed by a third as Nathaniel’s demanding voice fills his head. 

 

Jean loses himself in the way Nathaniel shudders every time Jean pushes against his prostate. He’d be happy to lay there and force those mewling noises out of Nathaniel all day, but Nathaniel kicks him.

 

“Fuck me already, you asshole,” he snaps.

 

And of course, Jean obliges him.  He shoves Nathaniel over on his side so his back is pressed against Jean’s chest, his leg spread backwards and thrown over Jean’s hip. Jean slicks himself, and then he’s pressing into Nathaniel. He groans as the warm heat engulfs him. When he’s fully inside, he stops, letting Nathaniel adjust.

 

“You okay?” he asks, tapping his fingers along Nathaniel’s hip. 

 

It’s several moments before Nathaniel answers, and when he does, he sounds like he can breathe again. “I told you to fuck me.”

 

Jean snaps his hips and Nathaniel’s tough guy act disappears. He practically shoves his fist in his mouth to muffle the noise he makes. Jean fucks him fast, doesn’t give him any more time to adjust. He buries his face in Nathaniel’s neck to cover his own grunts. He’s not going to last long like this. 

 

Nathaniel is jerking himself off in time with Jean’s thrusts. They’re both panting hard and the breathy whimpers Nathaniel lets out every time Jean hits his prostate is enough to make Jean fuck into him harder. Jean’s fingers bite into Nathaniel’s hips; it’ll bruise later, but right now neither of them cares, lost in the heat between them. Nathaniel is whimpering louder now, breathing Jean’s name out like a prayer. Jean angles himself so every thrust hits Nathaniel’s prostate. It’s only a few thrusts later when Nathaniel comes without warning, burying his face in the pillow as he yells. The sudden tightness throws Jean off guard, and he follows Nathaniel over the edge, biting into shoulder to muffle his own noises.

 

When they can both breathe again, Jean pulls out slowly, not missing the way Nathaniel winces. They lay in silence for several long minutes.

 

“Jean,” Nathaniel starts, but Jean cuts him off with a hand slapped over his mouth. 

 

“Get out of my bed, you smell like jizz,” Jean tells him, before rolling over and falling asleep.

 

Nathaniel laughs, but retreats to his side of the room to clean himself up. He crawls in bed, and when he picks up his phone, he has one unread text.

 

It’s from Kevin. His hands shake as he opens the message.

 

_ I’m sorry N. _

 

Nathaniel throws his phone to the other side of his bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few things:  
> \- I'm sorry I made you all wait so long! I've had a super long week, but here it finally is. I'll be in London next week so there won't be any updates but I'll try to get something up soon after I get home  
> \- As always, thank you to Emmy for beta reading for me!  
> \- My heart says make it Kandreil, and Kandreil it will be!!


	4. Chapter 4

If Nathaniel thought practices had been intense while he was in high school, he was in for a surprise. Summer break means there are no classes to get in the way of training. Summer is the toughest season of the year. Practices run from sun up to sun down, seven days a week. It’s brutal, but Nathaniel is looking forward to it. He can feel the thrill of exy surging through his blood. This is what he’s good at, this is why he’s here.

The first practice of the day begins at sunrise. They had a party the night before, a celebration before things got serious. Nathaniel regrets the amount of vodka he consumed last night when he rolls out of bed and immediately throws up into the trashcan next to his bed. It takes all of the energy he has to flip Jean off as he laughs on the other side of the room.

Half an hour later, Nathaniel is showered and feeling vaguely human again. It’s only slightly comforting that most of the team is in the same state as him. They all dress in silence for practice, not awake enough to have conversations, all battling some state of hungover.

The first day is the worst. Nathaniel had no idea how much lighter his practices were while he was still in high school. Now that he’s officially a Raven, and part of the starting lineup no less, there’s no more taking it easy. Twice during their cardio session he has to run off the court to throw up, and only once is because of alcohol. By midday, he’s sure he’s dying. His only source of enjoyment is watching the other freshman fail horribly. It almost makes him glad for all of the years he’s been training under the Master’s guidance.

He’s grateful when they finally break for lunch. He barely has an appetite, but he forces himself to eat enough to get him through to dinner time. He eats quickly, then sneaks off to his room to pass out for the rest of their hour break. When Nathaniel wakes up, Jean is sitting at his desk chair, watching him.

“That’s fucking creepy,” Nathaniel grumbles, pulling the cover over his head.

“It gets easier, you know,” Jean says instead of answering the remark.

“What?” Nathaniel asks, poking his head back out to look at Jean.

“Being a Raven.”

Nathaniel snorts. “That’s bullshit. It gets harder and you know it.”

Jean shrugs but doesn’t answer, and Nathaniel knows he’s right.

He pushes himself upright, runs a hand through his auburn curls. “It’s not like you to sugarcoat shit, Jean. What’s wrong?” he asks, eyeing the other suspiciously. 

Jean doesn’t answer again and Nathaniel starts to think that he isn’t going to. Finally, Jean sits up straight and sighs. “I worry about you, little one.”

Nathaniel shudders a bit at the nickname. It doesn’t feel quite right anymore.

“Why?” he asks, his full attention on Jean. It’s rare that Jean is so emotional, and it makes Nathaniel uncomfortable.

“Riko’s growing quite fond of you.” Jean’s expression is guarded, but Nathaniel can sense his uneasiness. It’s rarely hard for him to read Jean’s thoughts, but right now he isn’t sure what he’s sensing. It could be anger, betrayal, maybe even jealousy. All Nathaniel knows is Jean’s not happy.

“Scared he’s going to take me from you?” Nathaniel asks, laughing a little to try and break the heaviness of the moment.

“Yes,” Jean answers, his eyes glued to the floor.

Nathaniel opens his mouth, then shuts it again. Before he can think of something to say in response a knock on the door startles both of them.

“Yeah?” Nathaniel calls.

The door opens, and a mop of blond hair appears as Jackson, a senior, pokes his head through the door. “Come on guys, you’re gonna be late if you don’t get moving.”

Nathaniel gets up and follows Jackson out of the room, not checking to see if Jean is following. 

The afternoon practices are a series of rotating groups. The offensive line scrimmages against each other while the defensive line watches games from previous seasons, picking out the other teams’ weaknesses as well as their own. For six hours they switch every hour. There’s an hour break for dinner, and then it’s back on the court for full team scrimmages.

It isn’t until Nathaniel steps inside his room that he sees Jean again. He’s half convinced Jean made a point of avoiding him. Nathaniel is tired and really just wants to go to sleep, but he can see the shift in Jean’s posture, the slight slump to his shoulder that always says something is bothering him. Nathaniel can’t stand to see his partner like this. He walks over to Jean’s bed, nudging Jean to slide back a little farther. He straddles Jean’s lap and tips the boy’s face up with a finger. 

“Don’t be like this,” Nathaniel chides, pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it. “I don’t like it when you avoid me.” Nathaniel nips at Jean’s jawbone and tugs at his shirt until Jean sighs and obliges, pulling it off. 

“That’s much better,” Nathaniel murmurs, grinding his hips down against Jean’s crotch. Jean groans, his nails digging into Nathaniel’s side. Nathaniel leans down and kisses Jean hard, biting his lower lip, licking the blood away. His hands tug on Jean’s hair, pulling his head back, giving better access to his mouth. Nathaniel kisses him sloppy and deep.

They’re both panting hard when Nathaniel finally pulls away. He can feel Jean’s erection hard against his ass. He leans back in, kissing down Jean’s jawline, his hands scratching through Jean’s hair. Nathaniel takes a moment to suck on the sensitive spot where Jean’s jaw meets his ear. Jean’s breath is heavy against the side of Nathaniel’s face.

Nathaniel nips at Jean’s earlobe before leaning in to whisper in his ear. “Do you want me to blow you?” The way Jean’s hips jerk underneath him is answer enough. 

He crawls off of Jean’s lap and rids himself of his shorts. He gives Jean an expectant look and Jean quickly obeys, pulling his own shorts and boxers off. Nathaniel kneels at the edge of the bed. He picks up Jean’s hands, placing them in his hair.

Jean looks nervous. “What if I hurt you?” he asks.

“Then I punch you and you stop.” Nathaniel shrugs and - when Jean opens his mouth to keep arguing - leans in and licks a stripe from base to tip, effectively shutting Jean up. Nathaniel smirks before swirling his tongue around the head, licking up the precum that’s already beginning to dribble out. He settles in a comfortable position and begins to suckle at the tip of Jean’s dick. Jean groans and runs his fingers through Neil’s hair, tugging at it gently in encouragement. Nathaniel takes his time, letting Jean get worked up before giving him more. He relaxes his throat, taking Jean farther down, bobbing his head.

Jean is struggling now, forcing himself not to jerk up into Nathaniel’s mouth before he’s ready. His hands are gripping Nathaniel’s hair, too hard, but Nathaniel isn’t stopping him. When Nathaniel’s lips finally hit the base of his cock Jean moans. “Fuck, Nathaniel,” he groans.

Nathaniel takes a minute to adjust, but once he does, he taps Jean’s thigh to get him to look at him. He nods and lets himself relax as Jean begins to carefully fuck into his mouth. Nathaniel hums around Jean’s dick and Jean practically pulls his hair out as his hips jerk. He stops suddenly, looking down at Nathaniel to make sure he hasn’t hurt him, but Nathaniel is doing his best to smirk around Jean’s dick. Jean lets himself go then, fucking into Nathaniel’s mouth at a fast pace, getting closer to the edge with every thrust. He tries to pull out when he knows he’s going to come, but Nathaniel pulls out of his grip and swallows around him. 

“Fuck, Nathaniel, Jesus,” Jean swears, jerking into Nathaniel’s mouth again and again until he can breathe.

Nathaniel smirks at him as he pulls off. “Better?” 

Jean glares, but doesn’t comment.

“I’m going to bed now. I expect you to stop being a child tomorrow,” Nathaniel says as he stands up, stretching his cramping legs. He expects a smart ass comment from Jean, but when he looks, Jean is staring at the bulge in his boxers. 

Nathaniel snorts. “Are you going to keep looking at it, or are you going to do something about it?”

It doesn’t take Jean two seconds to decide. He’s up and pushing Nathaniel onto his bed before Nathaniel can blink. He sucks at Nathaniel’s neck, shoving his hand down Nathaniel’s boxers, and jerks him off hard and rough. The loud sounds Nathaniel makes are enough to make Jean’s dick give a valiant twitch.

Jean’s hand is rough and unyielding against Nathaniel’s length. Nathaniel turns his head, burying his face in his pillow to cover the whimpering noises of want coming out of his mouth. When Jean nips at his neck Nathaniel lets out a high pitched whine, slamming back against Jean’s chest as his fingers grip the sheets for dear life.

“Jean, Jean. Fuck, Jean,” he whines, trying desperately to get Jean to send him over the edge.

It isn’t long after that Nathaniel’s whimpering and jerking in Jean’s hands as he comes. Jean works him through it, waiting until Nathaniel bats his hands away. Jean licks a stripe of come off his hand and Nathaniel groans and shoves at Jean. “Get the fuck out of my bed.”

Jean retreats to his side of the room with a laugh.

They lie in silence for awhile before Nathaniel speaks again. “I’m serious. Go back to normal.”

Jean doesn’t answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thanks to Emmy and Ellie my dearest friends and the best beta readers I could ask for.  
> And thank you to everyone who reads and comments! It means so much!  
> And of course, join me on tumblr @lesbianreneewalker


	5. Chapter 5

Days blur into each other in a haze of exhaustion and sore muscles. Every day Nathaniel can feel himself getting stronger, faster, and better at defending his goal. He and Jean have never been so in sync, blocking almost every shot. They can read each other even when they’re not looking at each other. Nathaniel has no doubt they’ll take out anyone who comes their way.

It’s not just Nathaniel and Jean’s relationship that’s strengthened, either. As the summer draws on, Riko has demanded more and more of their attention. Riko frequently yanks them from afternoon practices to sit in what has become “their” conference room. They frequently scheme and plan. It’s becoming clear that Riko favors Nathaniel over Jean. Riko’s rants frequently focus on Kevin, and Nathaniel enthusiastically follows along. Kevin’s half assed apology only infuriates Nathaniel every time he thinks about it. 

When Nathaniel’s phone buzzes with a text from Riko, ordering him to the conference room, he assumes it’s one of their usual meetings. What he doesn’t expect when he and Jean arrive, is the obvious joy radiating from Riko. Riko turns a cold smile on them, and Nathaniel can feel his heart freeze in his chest. Riko’s anger is rarely terrifying. It’s commonplace, and accepted. You grow used to it. But happiness is something Nathaniel had never seen in Riko, and it unsettles him. Riko is never happy in the way others are. His joy is a dangerous, evil thing, his smile a blade sharp enough to slice someone apart.

Nathaniel sits in his usual chair, across the table from Riko, and next to Jean. He and Jean share a look, and Nathaniel knows Jean senses it too. They sit in silence, not wanting Riko to turn this new emotion on them. But Riko isn’t feeling patient today. He quickly launches into his good news.

“The three of us will be attending Kathy Ferdinand’s show this weekend after our first game.” Riko’s grinning from ear to ear now, and he waits, looking at them expectantly.

Nathaniel and Jean share a confused look. 

“O-okay?” Jean throws out tentatively. Nathaniel shares the sentiment. Riko’s been on Kathy’s show many times, and Jean has made a few appearances of his own. Nathaniel really isn’t sure why Riko’s so excited over this.

Rikos levels a glare at Jean. “We won’t be the only ones there, however. Kevin is slated to be the main guest.”

Nathaniel’s mouth opens a bit in shock. “Does Kevin know we’re going to be there too?”

Riko laughs and it’s a dangerous and mirthless noise. “Of course he doesn’t. I convinced Kathy that surprising Kevin would be a wonderful present for him. Of course I threw her the sob story about you and Kevin’s little fall out, and she thought it would be lovely.”

Nathaniel bites the inside of cheek, hard. He’s not sure what’s going to come out if he opens his mouth, but he knows that it’ll get him in trouble with Riko. Instead he just nods and lets Jean take over. He listens mindlessly as Jean plays along, praising Riko and stroking his ego. Nathaniel is trapped in his own mind, weighing the pros and cons, trying to figure out how this will all play out. He wants revenge against Kevin more than anything. Nathaniel’s anger has been his driving force since the day he found out Kevin left without a word. Part of him relishes embarrassing Kevin in front of so many people. Maybe it would make him feel a little better. But another part - one that he can’t quite silence - misses Kevin, wants nothing more than to bury himself in Kevin’s arms again. 

He wishes there was a way out of this. But he’s Riko’s new right hand man, and the media all have eyes on him, expecting him to live up to the number on his face. Riko’s already informed him that he’s going. Asking to skip would bring nothing good for him.

But Nathaniel doesn’t know if he can handle seeing Kevin again so soon.

When Riko dismisses them, he stops Nathaniel, an arm across the doorway. The way Riko’s eyes trail over his body has Nathaniel suppressing a shudder of discomfort. Riko merely smiles and taps the soft skin under Nathaniel’s jaw. 

“Don’t fuck up,” is all Riko says, before turning and exiting, leaving Nathaniel to drown in a flood of pressure. Anxiety spikes in him, if only for a moment.

 

The day of their first game comes quickly, and Nathaniel has never felt so alive. He can see tension and fear on the faces of some of his other teammates, particularly the other freshman,but he’s been looking forward to this day for years. He’s doing what he’s born to do. The adrenaline pumping through his veins makes everything louder, sharper. He’s ready for this.

The hours before the game drag slowly. Nathaniel barely absorbs anything in his classes, caught up in running plays in his head. They’re playing the Trojans. He knows the Ravens will win, but he knows he needs to make an impression tonight. The eyes of the media will be on him, trying to see if he’s worthy of the number on his face, and he needs to play harder than he ever has during practices. The thought makes it hard to focus on much of anything.

Later, the locker room is silent as the Ravens change and prepare for the game. They don’t do pep talks. The unspoken words of encouragement are “don’t fuck up”. He meets Jean’s eyes across the locker room, and Jean gives him what Nathaniel assumes is meant to be an encouraging smile. Nathaniel grimaces back. His eyes dart to Riko, who leans against the wall, surveying his team. There’s no emotion on his face, but Nathaniel knows that later, no matter how well they do, Riko’s permanent anger will well up. Nathaniel has heard Riko’s post-game rants, and he’s not looking forward to having it aimed at him. 

They file onto the court for warm ups and the crowd explodes in deafening shouts. Nathaniel’s blood pumps furiously through his veins. It’s finally time for him to really join the Exy world. By the time the game starts, he barely remembers warming up or hearing his name announced. He can’t hear anything over the screams of the crowds and the pounding of his heart.

The Trojans win first serve, and Nathaniel settles into his position, bouncing on the balls of his feet as he awaits the familiar crack of the ball being served. He and Jean clack their sticks together. When they play, they play as one, reading each other before either one moves. Together, Nathaniel knows they’ll be the best pair of backliners in the league.

Nathaniel is moving the moment the ball is served. Jeremy Knox is his mark, and Nathaniel has spent the better of the week memorizing Jeremy’s style. It pays off instantly. Jeremy gets first possession of the ball and he’s ducking past the Raven strikers and barrelling down the court. He’s got height and reach on Nathaniel, but Nathaniel is faster than Jeremy could ever dream of being. Nathaniel races toward Jeremy, slapping the ball out of his net. He ducks under Jeremy and throws the ball down the court, straight into Riko’s net. Riko shoots down the court, and within seconds the buzzer is blaring as Riko’s shot finds the back of the net.

Nathaniel’s adrenaline spikes and he can hear himself shouting. Jean smacks his helmet, grinning dangerously. Nathaniel’s face mirrors his. They return to their positions, ready to take on anything. Nothing makes it into their goal.

Nathaniel is subbed out halfway through the first half, and he collapses onto the bench and gratefully accepts the bottle of water that’s thrust into his hands. He sips on it as play resumes. It’s insanely frustrating to Nathaniel to be on the other side of the glass. He’s yelling along with his teammates, pounding his fist against the glass. By the end of the first half, the Ravens are up 7-1. 

There’s a thrum of energy running through the locker room as the Ravens take a few moments to rest during the fifteen minute break. Nathaniel sits between Riko and Jean while the rest of the freshman players hand out sports drinks. Riko goes over the first half, calling out any player he thinks made a mistake. Nathaniel and Jean sit silently, their thighs pressed against each other. Being on an exy court for real is everything Nathaniel ever dreamed it would be and more. He’s never felt as connected to Jean as he did when they were working in tandem, not letting anyone near their goal. It sends a flutter of emotions through him that he doesn’t recognize or know what to do with. He buries it deep down, trying to get his mind back on the game.

Nathaniel waits impatiently through the first twenty minutes of the second half. He’s itching to be back on the court, to get his hands on his racquet and on anyone who gets in his way. When the Master finally tells him to get ready, Nathaniel is practically running for the door. The crowd screams for him as the speakers crackle with the news of the substitution. He, Riko and Jean stroll onto the court together, the powerhouses of the team. Their sticks clack as they reach the middle of the court and they all move off to their positions.

This time on the court isn’t as easy as the beginning of the game. At the beginning of the game, he was a wild card with unknown ability and unknown tactics. Now Jeremy seems to have picked up on his playing style, and it’s pissing Nathaniel off. Every time he goes to duck under Jeremy with the ball, he’s shoved back, the ball popping out of his net. He roars in frustration and the next time Jeremy gets the ball, he checks him with his entire body weight, slamming the taller man into the wall. Jeremy falls to the ground, trying to catch his breath, and Nathaniel takes off with the ball. He can hear the anger in the shouts of the Trojan players, but he doesn’t care. It was a legal move. He can see two different players moving in on him, and he shoots the ball at the wall, rebounding it straight into Jean’s net. 

When the final buzzer sounds, the Ravens are victorious at 10-4. Jean slaps him on the back, and Nathaniel huffs, trying to get air into his lungs. Jean drags him into the victorious heap of Ravens in the center of the court. The fans are chanting, their fight anthem is playing, and he can feel himself screaming in victory with his teammates. It’s a good five minutes before they break away to slap hands with the Trojans. Jeremy shoots him a grin, and Nathaniel glares. He’s not sure what it is, but something makes him hate Jeremy.

They file into the locker room, throwing clothes in the direction of the hamper as they file into the shower. The hot water feels amazing on Nathaniel’s already aching muscles, and he lets himself stay in the showers a little longer than necessary. When they’re all dried and dressed, they make themselves comfortable in the lounge area, preparing themselves for whatever insults Riko has to spit at them.

Nathaniel vaguely listens as Riko rips into and sometimes praises the other Ravens. It’s not until Riko turns that Nathaniel sits up straight, looks into Riko’s eyes. Riko surveys him for a moment before finally speaking. 

“You were acceptable,” Riko says, then turns away from him. A rush of heat runs down Nathaniel’s spine. It’s the closest thing to praise he’s ever gotten from Riko. It makes him feel like he’s accomplished something. 

When they’ve finished their team meeting, Nathaniel drifts out of the locker room, following Jean back to their room. The door is barely shut before Jean is pushing him up against it, kissing him hard, and Nathaniel feels dizzy with it. The adrenaline is wearing off, but Jean pumps it right back into him. Nathaniel has to pull away moments later to breathe.

“Jean,” he grumbles as the other man attacks his neck. Jean doesn’t stop. “Jean,” Nathaniel says again, more forcefully, pushing Jean back. “We have to pack.”

Nathaniel can’t help but laugh at the petulant look on Jean’s face. But Jean backs off and they pack their overnight bags in silence. As they go and meet Riko in the lobby, Nathaniel can’t help but feel apprehensive.

He’s seeing Kevin tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the delay! I'm getting ready to move and working every day, and it's been a bit hectic! I promise I'm going to try hard to post the next chapter before I leave in a week!  
> As always, thank you to my lovely Emmy for beta reading.  
> And of course comments are always appreciated!


	6. Chapter 6

The next day dawns bright and sunny, the complete opposite of how Nathaniel currently feels. He’s exhausted, and his muscles ache. He’s never played as hard as he had last night and he’s definitely feeling it. He’s been lying awake in bed for almost an hour when Jean finally stirs next to him. There’s another bed on the other side of the room but they’d both collapsed, practically fully clothed, into the closest one. They’d left the nest shortly after the game and flown in for Kathy’s show. Thankfully Riko hadn’t wanted much to do with them and they’d been able to go straight to sleep.

Jean’s eyes blink open and Nathaniel stares back as Jean’s brain slowly turns on. Jean grunts and heaves himself off the bed and Nathaniel rolls over, taking up the whole bed.

“Morning, sunshine!” Nathaniel yells over his shoulder and the bathroom door slams shut. He’s still exhausted but anxiety is sending weird shocks of adrenaline through his system. He tries to focus on how nice it is to be out of the nest, off of campus, but all he can think about is that Kevin is on his way to the same place, that soon they’ll be face to face again. Deep down, Nathaniel knew he wanted to see Kevin again, but to see him again for the first time on national television scares him. He doesn’t know how he’ll react. He already spends his time feeling torn between wanting to punch Kevin and wanting to kiss him. Most of the time he wants to do both. 

Eventually Nathaniel drags himself off the bed. He doesn’t bother to change out of his shorts and t-shirt. He knows he’ll just have to change again once they get on set. He fumbles around with the coffee maker until Jean comes out and slaps his hands away, making coffee for both of them. They drink in silence. Nathaniel can tell from the tight set of Jean’s shoulders, and the way his forehead crinkles just slightly, that he’s as nervous as Nathaniel is. 

They meet Riko in the lobby. He’s immaculately dressed already, and the scowl he sends their way has Nathaniel fighting to not roll his eyes. They fall instep behind Riko, filing into the car that’s waiting. The set is barely a five minute drive away, but that’s all the time it takes for Nathaniel to start working himself up. The feeling of dread is hot and heavy in his stomach, threatening to send him spiraling. Jean pinches his thigh and it pulls him back to reality enough to realize how heavy and strained his breathing has gotten. He forces himself to relax, to slump back against the seat. Kevin Day will not cause this reaction in him.

When they arrive at the studio, Kathy is already waiting for them. Nathaniel is happy to have something to distract him. He flips on his camera ready personality as he exits the car. Kathy is bubbly and over the top, just as he expected her to be. He waits patiently as she fawns over Riko. Riko is all smiles and kind words, and Kathy is flirting with him and honestly it’s nauseating. She finally turns to Nathaniel and and Jean and they both perk up.

“It’s so wonderful to finally meet both of you!” She coos, hands fluttering around Jean and Nathaniel’s shoulders. “I’ve heard so much about you from Riko.” She winks at Jean, and they all know she’s lying but Jean follows her lead.

“Good things I hope,” Jean says, tilting his head as he smiles at her. He’s turning on the charm, and Nathaniel has to hide his snort in a cough at the twinkle in her eye.

Unfortunately that turns her attention on him. “And of course our mysterious Nathaniel!” She purrs, and pinches his cheek. He tries not to flinch, but he also refuses to encourage her. “We’ve all been wondering where the magical number three was since Jean debuted. And to imagine you’ve been in high school this whole time!” She’s practically crushing Nathaniel against her chest, and Nathaniel is immensely uncomfortable. It’s taking all of his willpower not to physically recoil. Thankfully Jean comes to his rescue, wrapping an arm around Jean’s shoulders, pulling him out of Kathy’s grasp.

“He’s our secret weapon,” he says, pulling Nathaniel against his side.

Kathy smiles. “All four of you together in public for the first time,” she practically squeals. “Kevin will be so surprised.

“Oh I’m sure he will be,” Riko offers, a smile on his face. Only Nathaniel and Jean seem to notice the venom in his voice.

Nathaniel lets himself be led around the studio. He’s shoved into an all black outfit, his hair is done. Jean has to manhandle him into the one off the makeup chairs, but eventually he concedes and lets the staff do their jobs. Once they’re all ready, they’re led to a spot near the stage. Here they’ll be able to watch the beginning of the show, and get their cue to enter. 

It’s about twenty minutes until the show is scheduled to start when he sees the foxes file in. His heart stops for a beat, but Kevin isn’t with them. He eyes them all anyway, eyes landing on a short blonde. Nathaniel can tell from the bands on his arms that this man is Andrew Minyard, the psychotic goalkeeper for the foxes. Riko and Kevin had tried to recruit him to the Ravens the year before. Andrew had chosen the foxes, but that was fine with Nathaniel. Andrew may be talented, but he was a disgrace. He didn’t care about Exy at all, and half the time couldn’t be bothered to defend his goal. He didn’t deserve to play for any team, in Nathaniel’s opinion. 

Nathaniel is content to brood about how shitty the foxes are until the theme music for the show starts, and Kathy appears. Panic starts to claw at his chest when he hears Kevin’s name. The crowd is going crazy around him, but he can barely hear it over the roaring in his ears. He doesn’t realize he’s holding his breath until Jean slams him against the wall, and he exhales. Jean’s face is crowding in on him, making Nathaniel focus on the face in front of him.

“Get it together, Nathaniel,” Jean snaps. “This is not the time for you to have a panic attack.” Jean is shaking him, and everything feels a little blurry. Jean’s hand tightens around Nathaniel’s arm when he doesn’t answer. “I am not kidding right now, Nathaniel,” he hisses, and he’s speaking in French, forcing Nathaniel to listen. “This is your first television appearance, and you’re not going to fuck it up because you want to panic about seeing your boyfriend.” Jean emphasizes his point with another firm shove. “Do you understand me?” Jean is speaking in English, and Nathaniel belatedly realizes that the French was to keep Riko from understanding. 

Nathaniel nods. “Got it.” He shoves away from Jean, crossing the small space to lean against the other wall.

Riko eyes them. “Are you two done?” he asks dryly. Jean and Nathaniel nod in unison. Riko still looks unimpressed. “Good. Because we’re going on now.”

Nathaniel looks around wildly. And it’s true, Kathy is saying their names, and Riko is already walking in front of them, and Nathaniel falls in step behind him. He can see the panicked look on Kevin’s face by the time he’s halfway across the stage. He steels his own face into one of apathy, refusing to let Kevin see him ruffled. They’re all hugging Kathy and then turning to hug Kevin. 

Nathaniel can see the way Kevin’s hands are shaking after letting go of Riko. He looks terrified, but Nathaniel is honestly impressed he’s holding up so well. He’s never known Kevin to be the figurehead of bravery. When Nathaniel moves to hug Kevin, he turns his head so the audience and camera can’t see his face, but Kevin can. He musters up the dirtiest look he can manage, and somehow Kevin looks even more terrified. They settle onto the couches, Riko and Kevin on one, Jean and Nathaniel on the other. They’re all faking smiles. There’s terror behind Kevin’s, malice behind Riko’s, anxiety behind Nathaniel’s, apprehension behind Jean’s.

Kathy, oblivious as always, launches straight into the interview. “It’s so exciting to have your perfect court all here, Riko! This must be the first time you’ve all been seen in public together!”

Riko smiles, leaning forward slightly. “It is indeed. You know, the plan was to have us all start at our first game and really show everyone what we were capable of. But, as you know, circumstances and some unfortunate decisions took that opportunity away from us,” Riko answers, gesturing casually at Kevin.

Kathy frowns slightly. “Yes, you’ve all faced some unfortunate circumstances. Speaking of, how do you feel about Kevin’s decision to transfer to the foxes? We all know how close you two were. I admit, it’s been devastating for all of us to not see you two together anymore.”

Riko scoffs. “Honestly, it’s an embarrassment. Kevin should have stayed with us. We were prepared to offer him an assistant coaching job and the world’s best physical therapy with the hopes that he would one day have back a bit of his talent. But as it stands now, he’s dead weight on the worst team in the league. Not only is he embarassing himself, but he’s embarrassing us.”

From the audience, Nathaniel hears a loud thump. Following the source of the noise he sees Andrew being bodily held down by another teammate. Apparently he is as unimpressed with Riko as Riko is with Kevin. Nathaniel ducks his head to hide a smirk.

Kevin is shaking next to Riko. Nathaniel almost wants to reach out to him, comfort him like he used to. But Kathy is turning to him and Jean. “And what about you two, what do you think about Kevin’s decision?”

Jean merely shrugs. “It’s never easy to lose a teammate, especially someone as talented as Kevin. I think we would all prefer that he come home,” he answers. It was very diplomatic. 

“Nathaniel? What about you?” Kathy prods. Nathaniel chews the inside of his cheek for a moment before answering. 

“One of the moments I looked forward to for many years was finally joining these three on the court and playing together. We really would have been unstoppable. But unfortunately, Kevin decided to leave us instead of letting us help him through it.” Nathaniel shrugs, trying to play his small outburst off as casual. “What can I say? It wasn’t easy to lose someone who was like family, but it is what it is.”

Looking away from Kathy, Nathaniel accidentally makes eye contact, and the hurt look in Kevin’s eyes makes Nathaniel’s stomach shrivel up. But he drags his eyes away. This is all Kevin’s fault, not his.

“Kevin, now that you’ve heard from your teammates, what do you think? Would you consider transferring back?” Kathy asks, leaning in closer to him.

Amazingly, Kevin’s voice comes out strong and solid. “I meant what I said earlier. I’d like to be a fox as long as Coach Wymack will have me.” There’s a cheer from the foxes in the audience, and the look on Riko’s face could kill.

The interview wraps up quickly after that, and Riko lays an arm around Kevin’s shoulder as they all stand up. To anyone else, it looks like a friendly gesture, but Kevin knows it’s a command and he doesn’t fight it, just follows Riko to his fate. They’re barely into the wings before Riko slams Kevin against the wall. Kevin has more than half a foot on Riko, but it’s Riko who towers in this situation.

“How dare you make a mockery out of us, after all we have done for you,” Riko snarls, fingers digging into Kevin’s shoulder. Kevin is slumping, it looks like Riko is the only thing keeping him from collapsing to the floor.

“I’m sorry,” he starts, but Riko shoves him again.

“This is inexcusable, and I’m almost done tolerating it. You would do best to come back before the offer is rescinded.” Riko’s face is inches from Kevin’s. Kevin can’t, won’t look him in the eye. His eyes land on Nathaniel, hovering behind Riko. 

“Nathaniel, please,” Kevin begins to say, but Nathaniel cuts him off.

“Don’t even start, Kevin,” Nathaniel snaps. “You brought this on yourself.”

Nathaniel has more to say, but a voice from the edge of the wings interrupts him. “Ah, hello again, Riko. I’d like to remind you that I don’t like people touching my things.” Andrew is striding towards them, a manic grin on his face.

“Do you have a problem?” Nathaniel growls, stepping between Kevin and Riko and Andrew. 

“As a matter of fact, I do!” Andrew answers cheerfully, and suddenly he’s slamming Nathaniel against the wall, hand tight around his neck. Nathaniel is sputtering, and clawing at Andrew’s hand, but Andrew doesn’t budge, and the terrifying smile never leaves his face.

“Minyard,” Riko spits. “This isn’t your business. I advise you to return to your team and keep your nose out of places where it doesn’t belong.

Andrew laughs loudly. “But that wouldn’t be any fun. And besides, you’ve got your hands on my team. It seems you’ve forgotten that Kevin is a fox now, and not one of your brainless puppets,” he says, shaking Nathaniel for emphasis, and Nathaniel chokes. 

Riko starts to answer, but over Andrew’s shoulder the rest of the foxes are approaching. “I suggest you watch where you stick your nose in the future, Minyard.”

“Noted,” Andrew answers, and Nathaniel can’t understand how he can go from laughing hysterically to sounding beyond bored in a matter of seconds. “Now, I will ask nicely, take your hands off Kevin and I’ll consider giving you back Nathaniel here.” Andrew is smiling, and all Nathaniel can think is that his smile looks like knives.

Riko glares, but he shoves Kevin towards Andrew, and Kevin immediately takes refuge, putting Andrew between him and Riko. 

“That wasn’t so hard was it?” Andrew asks, and he smiles up at Nathaniel, smacks his cheek a little too hard to be a friendly pat, before finally releasing him.

Nathaniel glares down at him. “Be careful someone doesn’t step on you, ant,” he snarls, his voice hoarse.

The laugh that bubbles out of Andrew sounds gleeful. “You might be more interesting than I thought.” He turns away, pushing Kevin towards the rest of the foxes. “See you on the court!” he calls over his shoulder.

Nathaniel can feel the rage boiling in his stomach, and when he meets Riko’s eyes, he knows he’s not alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, thank you so so much for being so patient with me. I know it's been almost three weeks and I'm so sorry. Between moving halfway across the country and having some real life issues, it's been tough trying to get this chapter done.  
> A special thanks to Nick and Lindsay for always encouraging me to keep writing, and thank you so much to Ellie for beta reading this chapter for me!  
> Comments are always appreciated!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A thank you for being so patient with me, here's Chapter 7. It's a little shorter but I hope you like it!

Nathaniel is a ticking time bomb. Everyone around him can tell, but none of them dare say anything to him. Every moment he isn’t in class or being forced to do his work, Nathaniel is on the court, running drills, pushing himself harder than the day before. He’s determined to become a star player, determined to go pro and make court, even more determined to show Kevin Day that he doesn’t need him. The anger he’d felt that day at Kathy’s had rooted like a seed, growing in him until it threatened to overwhelm him. The court is the only place where the buzzing in his head calms down, the only place he feels like himself anymore. 

Nathaniel doesn’t cry, but when Jean finds him on the court late one night, Nathaniel’s nearly in tears. He’s lying on the ground, face down, curled in on himself. His breathing is ragged and heavy. Jean finds himself running over, dropping to the ground, hands frantically trying to turn Nathaniel’s face so he can see him.

“My little one, what happened?” Jean’s voice is worried, he’s slipped into French. “Did you break something?” He’s running his hands across Nathaniel, trying to assess what’s happened.

Nathaniel gives a weak shake of his head, and even that seems to hurt him. “No,” he wheezes, and Jean is petting his hair. “No, I pulled something,” he pants. “It feels like I pulled every muscle in my stomach.” He tries to sit up, and collapses again with a loud groan.

“Stay here. I’ll be right back,” Jean orders him, swiping a thumb across Nathaniel’s cheekbone, before climbing to his heel and disappearing somewhere into the darkness of the nest. Nathaniel isn’t sure how long it’s been when Jean reappears, and eases himself down to sit beside him. He gently maneuvers Nathaniel until he’s propped up enough for Jean to pop a pill in his mouth and to tip some water into his mouth. Nathaniel slumps against Jean and groans when Jean presses an icepack against his stomach.

Jean waits until the pills start to kick in, before he scoops Nathaniel up. Nathaniel’s eyelids are fluttering and he frowns a little as he’s shifted, but he buries his face against Jean’s shoulder and promptly falls asleep. Jean lets out a little snort and carries Nathaniel back to their room, carefully tucking him in bed. He can’t resist brushing the curls off Nathaniel’s forehead. 

“You are not a smart boy,” Jean mumbles before crawling in bed himself.

The next morning brings all of the pain back with it. Nathaniel wakes with a noise almost like a sob. It has Jean jumping out of bed, trying to figure out what’s going on. When he sees the look on Nathaniel's face, he quickly pushes him back against the pillow. “Lie still, I’ll get you some more medicine.” He’s grateful when Nathaniel listens without complaint. He glances at the clock, it’s still early. There’s nearly two hours until they have to be up.

When he comes back, he has to gently prod Nathaniel awake again. “Take this and go back to sleep. I’ll wake you up before we have to go.” 

“Thank you,” Nathaniel mumbles, handing the glass back to Jean. He falls back against his pillows and is asleep before Jean can so much as shake his head. Jean doesn’t know what he’s going to do about Nathaniel, but he has to do something before he ruins himself. He sighs and crawls back in bed and falls back asleep.

It doesn’t feel like two hours later when his alarm goes off, but Jean knows he has to get up. He reluctantly crawls out of bed, and changes into practice clothes. He gently shakes Nathaniel awake, and is greeted with a glare. “Time to get up,” he says, continuing to shake Nathaniel. 

Nathaniel reaches up and slaps Jean’s hands away, before carefully maneuvering himself into a sitting position. 

“How are you feeling?” Jean asks.

Nathaniel grunts. “Been worse.” 

“Get dressed then,” Jean tells him, leaving to go find coffee.

In reality Nathaniel feels like shit, but the pills Jean had given him take the edge off it. He grimaces as he peels off the uniform he’d passed out in the night before. A glance at the clock tells him he doesn’t have time for a shower. He’ll have to suck it up and shower after their morning practice. He pulls a clean uniform on and goes to find Jean.

Practice goes south as soon as it starts. They start the morning with laps, and as soon as he starts moving he can tell something isn’t right. The stabbing pain cuts through the haze of medicine. He grimaces but forces himself to keep running. There aren’t days off when you’re feeling a little sore. But, less than fifteen minutes later he feels his knees buckle, and he slams into the floor with a loud groan. 

Footsteps pound across the court and Jean is hovering over him, a worried expression on his face. Moments later, Riko appears, irritation on his. “What’s wrong with you?” Riko demands.

“It’s just a strained muscle,” Nathaniel pants out.

“Then get up and get back to practice,” Riko snaps.

Jean offers him a hand and Nathaniel grabs it, starts to pull himself to his feet. But halfway up he collapses as the pain in his stomach causes the world to spin around him.

“Get off my court, you’re useless to me,” Riko says, and somehow the cold indifference in his voice is more terrifying than if he had been angry.

Nathaniel pants, trying to pull air into his lungs.

Riko glares down at him. “I told you to get off my court, Wesninski.”

The use of his last name has Jean dragging Nathaniel off the floor despite his protests, and half carrying him off the court. They’re barely out of the court doors when Nathaniel’s stomach heaves and Jean just manages to get him angled over the garbage can before he throws up his breakfast. The pain is burning in him like a fire and the world goes black.

When Nathaniel wakes up, he’s in his bed again. His mouth feels like sandpaper, and his stomach has a constant dull ache. There’s a glass of water and two pills on his bedside table. He pops both of them in his mouth and practically chugs the water. He lets himself fall back against his pillows. He knows that he’s going to be benched this week. It rarely happens, most of the time they’re expected to work through their injuries. But when they can’t, they’re benched and Nathaniel knows he’ll be ostracized from the team until he can play again. It makes him antsy to not be able to get up and play, but he has to admit that he is enjoying sleeping for once.

When he wakes up the second time, it’s to the sound of Jean shutting the door. He blinks sleepily and Jean moves towards him, waves food in offering. Nathaniel pulls himself so he’s propped up against his headboard. His muscles protest, but for the moment the hunger pangs win out. He scooches closer to the wall so Jean can sit next to him. They eat in silence. Nathaniel knows Jean must have had a hard time at practice without him. It isn’t unlike Riko to target a weak link, and a Raven without their partner is the weakest.

When they finish eating, Nathaniel lays back down, his head cradled in Jean’s lap. Jean runs his fingers absentmindedly through Nathaniel’s hair for several long minutes before speaking. “What am I going to do with you?” He asks softly. Nathaniel hums a question, half asleep under Jean’s ministrations.

“You can’t keep pushing yourself like this,” Jeans says, and he tugs lightly on Nathaniel’s curls so he knows the other is listening. “I know you’re pissed at Kevin, and Riko, and at the world, but if you keep going like this you’re going to end your career before it even begins. And I won’t accept that. I won’t let you take yourself away from me.” Jean’s voice cracks, and Nathaniel wonders if he’s thinking about Kevin, or if this bit of vulnerability is reserved just for him.

“I’m sorry,” Nathaniel whispers. “I’m just so mad and confused all the time. I’m mad at Kevin for leaving. I’m mad at myself for turning into this monster, and I’m mad at Riko for encouraging it. I’m just so mad, Jean. It feels like my head is full of bees and Exy is the only way I can make them stop.”

His hands are shaking, and Jean holds them, leans down to press a kiss against Nathaniel’s fingertips. He lets go and lifts Nathaniel’s head so Jean can slide down at lay next to him, pressed side to side. Nathaniel leans in, his head resting against Jean’s shoulder. Jean presses a kiss against his forehead, and Nathaniel thinks this is the most intimate moment they’ve ever had.

“You can get through this, Nathaniel. I know you can. You’ve been through worse than this and come out the other side. I’ll help you get through this, but you have to promise me you’ll stop doing stupid stuff,” Jean pleads. 

Nathaniel nods. “I promise.” Jean gives him a small smile and holds him close as Nathaniel drifts off again.

By the time Friday rolls around, Nathaniel is feeling better. The pain in his stomach has mostly gone, only occasionally giving a dull throb. He’s back at practice, but he’s still forced to sit the game out. It pains him to sit on the sidelines, but he yells along with his teammates, and excitedly chats with Jean when he’s off the court.

Unsurprisingly, the Ravens win. 

When Nathaniel gets back to his room, he picks up his phone to find a text from Kevin.

What happened?   
Why are you injured?   
What did you do?

Nathaniel rolls his eyes, tosses his phone to the other side of his bed, and flops face down. It’s only a few minutes later when it buzzes again. He grabs it to find another message from Kevin.

Don’t ignore me, Nathaniel.

Nathaniel sighs and types out a response.

Don’t be such a drama queen, Day. It’s a pulled muscle. I’ll live.

The reply comes almost instantly.

You’re a fucking idiot

Nathaniel scowls.

Shut the fuck up.

After he hits send, he turns off his phone. He’s not dealing with Kevin anymore. He’s putting that part of his life behind him. As far as he’s concerned, Kevin Day is dead to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked the angst! :D  
> Thank you again Ellie for beta reading, and if anyone would like to join me on tumblr I am now @ transkevinday!


	8. Chapter 8

Nathaniel isn’t looking forward to the Fall Banquet. It’s the first time he’s been forced to go to one, and he wishes he could stay and have the nest to himself like he has every other year. He doesn’t want to sit through hours of playing fake nice with other teams who would like nothing better than to spit in the Ravens’ faces. It’s a waste of time as far as he’s concerned. They’re losing two days of practice for this.

He’s crammed onto the bus next to Jean, and he’s feeling irritable. Jean’s long since given up trying to make conversation after the third time Nathaniel snapped at him. Deep down, Nathaniel knows why he’s cranky, but he refuses to acknowledge it. He spends most of the trip running through plays for the next game, and considering his own weaknesses. The Ravens haven’t lost a game yet, but Nathaniel refuses to get cocky. He’s still only a freshman, and he has to play as well as, if not better than his teammates. Messing up is a big risk. He wouldn’t put it past Riko to throw him to the side if he fucked up. He doesn’t like to admit it, but he’s stressed.

“Wake up, Nathaniel, we’re here.” Jean’s voice is far away, but Nathaniel groans as he’s violently shaken awake. It takes several seconds of slapping at Jean to get him to stop. 

Nathaniel glares at him. “Asshole.”

Jean shrugs, unbothered. “Don’t be such a dick next time then,” he says before leaving the bus.

When Nathaniel finally makes his way off the bus, Jean is waiting for him, both of their outfits hanging over his arm. Nathaniel falls into step next to him and they follow the rest of the team inside. His bad mood hangs over him even as they change into their formal clothes. 

His mood worsens when they enter the ballroom. His eyes are immediately drawn to the garish orange colors of the Foxes seats, and quickly flicker to the dark Raven colors on the other half of the table. Nathaniel stops in his tracks, causing Jean to slam into his back. He can feel Jean’s fingers digging into his shoulder, lets it ground him in the moment.

Riko laughs as he takes in the scene. Of course, Riko thinks this is fucking hilarious. Nathaniel is half convinced Riko planned this. A small chorus of chuckles come from the rest of the Ravens. Nathaniel and Jean are the only ones who remain silent. Riko turns to them, a smile sharp enough to carve them open on his face. 

“Isn’t it funny? Jean? Nathaniel?” Riko asks.

Nathaniel can’t see Jean’s face, but he can hear the forced smile in his voice. “Hilarious,” Jean answers.

Nathaniel tries to pull up the same smile but he can’t. “Of course.” It sounds dead to his ears. 

Riko’s smile never falters as he steps closer, taps the underside of Nathaniel’s chin, and forces Nathaniel to look and meet his gaze. “You’re a terrible liar Nathaniel.”

Riko steps away, and heads for the table. Nathaniel lets the air whoosh out of his lungs, and lets Jean drag him to their seats. They all settle into their pretentious ‘we’re the best and none of you are worth our notice’, poses, and wait.

It’s probably fifteen minutes before the Foxes enter. Nathaniel doesn’t see them, his eyes are fixed forward, staring at the empty chair in front of them. Riko has them sitting in a ridiculous, aloof position, acting as if they’re better than anyone. They are better than everyone, but Nathaniel doesn’t really care to flaunt it. They don’t move, even as the foxes confusedly take their seats. 

The blonde monster, Andrew, takes the seat across from Nathaniel, a shit eating grin on his face. Nathaniel stares at the air above his head, and does not look for Kevin. He can handle Andrew Minyard. Unlike the rest of the population, he merely finds him irritating, rather than terrifying. He almost wants to dig behind the facade, find out what’s really ticking inside that tiny time bomb.

Riko is the first to move, and then moments later, the rest of them move in sync, leaning back against their chairs. Nathaniel isn’t listening to what Riko is saying, but he can tell from the tone it’s directed at Kevin. Kevin is sitting to Andrew’s right, one seat down from Nathaniel, two from Riko. At the moment, Riko is spitting Japanese at Kevin. The longer he talks, the more he can see the foxes itching to cut in. It doesn’t take long for Wilds, their captain, to butt in. 

“Hey, let’s be polite and speak in a language everyone understands here, guys,” she says, leaning forward so everyone can see her. It’s very ‘captainly’ of her, but Nathaniel isn’t very impressed. 

“I suggest you mind your own business, Hennessey, before someone minds yours,” Nathaniel answers, his tone cold and cruel, a mirror to Riko’s. He can see the way one of the tall buffoons on the team tenses, considers coming across the table at him, but is stopped by a hand on the arm. Nathaniel still isn’t impressed.

Dan smiles at him, and there’s no sign of anything other than annoyance. “You’re not the first to try and pull that card, and I assure you, I have no shame about my ‘business’.”

Nathaniel rolls his eyes but doesn’t bother to respond. 

“I imagine it’s hard to mind people being in your business, when just about everyone’s been in your business,” Jean pipes up from the other side of Riko. 

Andrew sits up from where he’s been nonchalantly slumped against the back of his chair. “Hey, Jean, Jean Valjean, hey,” he laughs.

“What?” Jean’s voice is tight. 

“How about you leave my things alone, yeah?” The manic smile is still on his face, but his tone is murderous. 

“Why don’t you mind your business too, Doe,” Nathaniel spits at him. 

Andrew laughs loudly. “Airing everyone’s laundry tonight aren’t we, Nathan?” he asks, and Nathaniel has to hold back a shiver of rage at the use of his father’s name. The way Andrew smiles at him tells him he noticed anyway. 

Andrew turns his attention back to Jean. “Neither of our moms wanted us, how sad.” Andrew exaggerates a pout. 

Riko has finally had enough. “Mr. Minyard, I suggest you shut your mouth now before you make matters worse for this pathetic team of yours. I may allow Kevin some leeway in his behavior due to his past, but you however, missed your chance to be a Raven, and I won’t make the same exceptions for you.” Riko is calm and poised, but Nathaniel can see the rage boiling up underneath his skin.

Andrew regards Riko with a bored look on his face, no sign of his earlier grin. “Missed? I think you mean turned down. But aren’t we all a table of misfits. Jean’s parents didn’t want him, my mom didn’t want me, and it certainly seems like your dad doesn’t want you.” By the time he finishes talking, the smile is back.

For the first time that night Nathaniel is afraid. Andrew had touched on the forbidden topic, and he knew that Riko wouldn’t let that go unpunished. He finally dares glance at Kevin, and is almost relieved to see the pale frightened face. At least Kevin was still smart enough to be afraid of Riko. 

“I suggest, Minyard, that you shut up, before someone else you love meets a tragic fate.” Riko’s voice was thin and as sharp as a blade. His eyes flick towards Aaron, who is paying zero attention to the drama at the other end of the table. Andrew’s eyes follow Riko, and almost instantly Andrew is on his feet and reaching for Riko. Nathaniel stands up as well, shielding Riko. 

Nathaniel makes to shove Andrew away, but Andrew catches his wrist in a bruising grip, and twists, and Nathaniel feels like his wrist is going to snap, and it probably is. Andrew’s face is inches away from Nathaniel’s, grin spread across it.

“I don’t think our mommies would want us to fight,” Andrew laughs, like he hasn’t just hit Riko where it hurts, like this is an on court spat.

“Your mother is dead. I don’t think she cares what you do,” Nathaniel spits back. Andrew’s laugh this time sends chills down his spine.

“What the hell is this?” a loud voice shouts across the room, and suddenly Nathaniel and Andrew are being hauled in different directions. The Foxes buffoon of a coach is yelling, and Nathaniel’s head is pounding. Fear and anger are coursing through him, practically blinding him. The Foxes are being shepherded away from the table, to where, he doesn’t know or care.

There are hands on him, pushing him. If he focuses he can tell it’s Jean. He doesn’t know where they’re going, but it’s away from the Foxes. Jean manhandles him into an empty locker room, and shoves him onto a bench, where he stays until he can breathe again, and the world comes back into focus.

When he looks up, Jean’s expression mirrors his own, fear. They’re scared for themselves, for Kevin, even for that little bastard. It isn’t long before Riko comes stomping through the door, and he lands a loud slap across Jean’s cheek. Jean’s head snaps to the side, but he doesn’t flinch, flinching makes it worse.

“How dare you let that imbecile speak to you like that, to mock you like that? You don’t just make yourself look bad, you reflect badly on me.” Riko’s mouth is practically pressed against the side of Jean’s face. He has Jean pressed against a locker, a hand gripping Jean’s chin.

Nathaniel isn’t sure when he’d stood up, but Riko is turning to look at him, and advances on him, gives him a hard shove. Nathaniel hits the locker face first, and he can feel the blood as it starts to trickle out of his nose. 

“You’re both fucking disgraces. The sight of you makes me sick. You let the most pathetic member of the most pathetic team in this entire country speak to you like you were beneath him,” Riko spits. He releases Nathaniel, and Nathaniel turns around to face him, but keeps his eyes on the floor. 

Riko’s hand reaches up, smears blood across Nathaniel’s face. “At least you’re finally showing a backbone, Nathaniel. I was beginning to wonder if you were going to be useless for your entire life.”

Riko turns away from him. “You have 5 minutes, then I expect you back out there.”

Nathaniel makes it until the door shuts behind Riko before he dry heaves into a garbage can.

Jean produces a flask of alcohol and the two of them share the entire thing while Jean cleans Nathaniel’s face. The spend their last two minutes of freedom with Nathaniel’s face buried in Jean’s shoulder as they hug, and silently shudder through their fear.

Nathaniel hates living like this. The rest of the night passes in a blur.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! It's been so long, I know!! I have a lot of excuses but I will spare you the details and just tell you that life has not been very kind to me these last few months.
> 
> But here is chapter 8! It's been one of the hardest to write for many reasons. I'm not entirely happy with it, but it's at the point where I don't know how to fix it, so I hope you like it anyway.
> 
> And thank you to everyone who's messaged me to check in on me, and to see if I was still writing this. I promise not to take this long again!
> 
> Also I changed urls again, and you can now find me at kevindayofficial!


	9. Chapter 9

Nathaniel was hiding. He didn’t like to admit it, but he was. He was wedged in the back corner of a supply closet. It had been his go to spot when he was younger. Before Jean had joined them, Nathaniel had been Riko’s personal punching bag. That was something that hadn’t truly changed, but when they were young, he’d been his primary target. Nathaniel had taken to finding hiding places, and staying there as long as he could. He’d once managed to stay hidden for almost two days before Riko found him and beat the shit out of him.

He wasn’t entirely sure why he was hiding now. Riko hadn’t threatened him in over a week. Somehow that seemed worse. Riko was a ticking time bomb and it was taking a toll on the entire team. Their game against the foxes was coming up at the end of the week, and it was stressing Nathaniel out. Practices were running longer and longer. Almost any moment that they weren’t in class was spent on the court. Nathaniel wasn’t even sure when he’d eaten last, he felt too sick to his stomach to even think about it.

There was no doubt that they would win this game, but Riko wasn’t taking any chances. He was drilling them constantly. Today it had all gotten to be too much for Nathaniel. Between the pressure Riko was putting on him, and the pressure he was putting on himself, he had snapped. He’d disappeared as soon as practice had ended. He’d spent the first hour he’d been in here rocking back and forth, trying to keep breathing through the panic that was threatening to overwhelm him and drag him down. He’d passed out at some point, waking up in a crumpled mess on the floor.

He’s not sure how long he’s been in here, isn’t sure he really wants to know. It’s probably late at night by now. No one has stumbled upon him yet, and he’s immensely grateful for it. He knows he’ll have to come out eventually, but he’s just not ready for it.

“Nathaniel?” someone asks, and he jumps. He realizes suddenly that his phone is in his hand, is pressed against his ear. He recognizes the voice immediately and his heart seizes.

“Nathaniel, are you okay?” Kevin asks. Nathaniel sucks in a breath, quickly presses the end call button, throws his phone to the other side of the closet. He bangs his fists against his head, cursing himself for being so weak, so needy, so desperate, that he would call Kevin.

His phone buzzes with an incoming call. He doesn’t move to pick it up, just stares at it until it stops. Shortly after the screen lights up with a text, then another, and another. He looks away, eventually the light goes out and he’s in darkness again. He should get up, leave this room, but he can’t make himself. He feels like the world is going to crash down around him. He closes his eyes, lets the darkness drag him to sleep.

When he wakes up, he’s not alone. He’s cradled in someone’s lap, his face pressed to their neck. He tenses, ready to fight and escape, but Jean shushes him before he can do anything and Nathaniel forces himself to relax. Jean’s arms tighten around him, rubbing soothing patterns into his back.   
“How did you find me?” Nathaniel asks, his voice rough with sleep. 

Jean laughs lightly, brushes his nose through Nathaniel’s curls. “You’ve been hiding in here as long as I’ve known you, little one. Riko is the only one who doesn’t know where you are. I just thought you could use some alone time first,” he answers, and Nathaniel sags into his arms, feeling grounded for the first time in days.

“I called Kevin,” Nathaniel says, and his voice sounds small.

Jean tenses under him for a moment, but relaxes. “What did you say to him?” He runs his hands through Nathaniel’s hair, untangles sleep damp curls.

“I didn’t,” Nathaniel murmurs, burying his face against Jean’s neck. “I just hung up.”

Jean hums in thought, before tipping Nathaniel’s face up to kiss him. It’s soft and gentle, so unlike the usual kisses they share. Nathaniel’s hand slides up the side of Jean’s neck, holds on for dear life. 

They pull apart and Jean rests his forehead against Nathaniel’s. 

“I’m scared,” Nathaniel admits.

“We’re going to be okay,” Jean answers, and Nathaniel clings to him like a lifeline. “Come on,” he murmurs. “Let’s go to bed.”

\--

The day of the game is dull and rainy. Nathaniel is almost thankful for the long bus ride. It gets him out of his morning classes. He’s itching with extra energy, and is desperate to get it out. They file onto the bus. Riko sits in the first seat, Nathaniel and Jean sit behind him. The rest of the team mingle in the rest of the bus. Nathaniel ignores them, focuses on the press of Jean’s thigh against his. Together, they pour over the binder full of plays, try to decide what methods Kevin has up his sleeve. 

Riko sat silently in front of them for the entire ride. The last few days, Riko had almost been nice. It was terrifying. He hadn’t hit anyone, screamed any more than usual, or broken any sticks. It might have seemed like a good thing to any outsiders, but the Ravens knew better. Their entire reputation was hinging on this game. Mistakes would not be accepted. And beyond that, this game was Riko’s moment to really rub it in Kevin’s face that he was beneath them now. 

Either way, this night was going to go down in flames.

They reach the foxes stadium at 5. First serve would be at 7. They all file off the bus, and into the stadium. Nathaniel takes over a corner to stretch. A shadow falls over his light, and he looks up to see Riko standing above him. Riko crouches so they’re looking at each other eye to eye. 

“I’m expecting a lot of you tonight, Nathaniel,” Riko says. “You know what we have riding on this game, and our plan depends on it. I don’t expect you to take it easy on Kevin.” Riko’s gaze hardens. “Crush him, Nathaniel. Humiliate him. I want him to come crawling back to us, begging. Do you understand me?” 

Nathaniel swallows and it feels like a lump in his throat. “I understand you,” he answers, and he feels like he’s going to throw up.

Riko caresses the side of his face, presses a kiss against his forehead, and Nathaniel has to hold back a shudder. It’s a perversion of the way Jean holds him. 

“Good,” is all Riko says before he stands up and walks away.

\--

The court is a garish orange and Nathaniel hates it instantly. He’s already missing the dark red of the Ravens court. He can see a group of their fans through the plexiglass wall, and he focuses on it, gets himself into game mentality. He’s been dreading and anticipating this game all season, and now it’s finally here. He and Jean clack sticks as they walk out onto the court.

They’re greeted by a sea of boos. Their pep band attempts to drown out the fox fans with their anthem, the Raven Death March, and Nathaniel’s blood sings. He runs through warm ups with a determined intensity. He’s ready for this. He’s going to destroy the foxes.

\--

The Ravens win first serve and when the whistle blows, Nathaniel is moving. The crack of a racquet against a ball is almost soothing. Sticks clack as the Raven offense meets the Foxes defense, and it’s not ten seconds later that the goal behind the goalie lights up red. Neil shouts in triumph.

The foxes have the ball. Kevin has the ball, and he’s barreling towards him. Kevin may be a good player, but Nathaniel is faster, and he slams into Kevin, knocks the ball free. He passes it to Jean quickly, and Kevin slams into him a second later. He’s tempted to slam into Kevin again for the hell of it, but it’s too early to get carded. It feels good to take his feelings about Kevin out on Kevin.

The Ravens quickly rack up points, and red cards. In the first quarter, two players are thrown off. Nathaniel can tell the Foxes are getting pissed, but they can’t afford to be as reckless as the Ravens, they don’t have the numbers to pull it off.

But that doesn’t stop their big ogre, Seth, from trying to take Nathaniel out. He bolts down the court, and Nathaniel runs at him, trying to slap the ball out of his racquet. But Seth doesn’t try and avoid him. Instead, he barrels straight into Nathaniel, and Nathaniel goes down, slamming into the floor like a sack of bricks. 

Nathaniel tries desperately, and fails, to pull air into his lungs. He’s ripping desperately at his throat guard, when he finally manages to drag in a harsh breath, and it hurts. His visions swims for a moment, and then clears. He’s gulping air, when Jean drags him back to his feet. There’s a brawl happening on the court, but both of the players are foxes. Kevin and Seth are shoving at each other. This is hardly a rare occurrence for the pair, but it pisses Nathaniel off to know that this is about him, and he throws himself into the middle of it.

He shoves Kevin, barely avoiding a blow from Seth. Kevin is too shocked to push him back. “Fuck off, Day,” he snaps, shoving again, and this time Kevin shoves back. The fight feels familiar. Years of practicing together had led to frequent fights between them.

“I don’t need you fighting my battles,” Nathaniel yells at him. Kevin practically has him in a headlock, but Nathaniel is small, and in the perfect spot to punch Kevin in the side.

The refs are descending on them, and Nathaniel is being dragged away by his teammates. 

“You can’t be loyal to any team can you?” Nathaniel spits at Kevin before being dragged off the court. 

Jean practically throws Nathaniel on the bench. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Jean yells at him in rapid fire french.

“I don’t need him defending me,” Nathaniel snaps. He tries to stand up, but Jean shoves him back on the bench.

“You have a death wish,” Jean tells him, before stomping away to get them water.

The look Riko gives Nathaniel when he comes off the court is enough to freeze Nathaniel solid. 

“We’ll speak later,” is the only thing Riko says to him, and Nathaniel can’t breathe around the rising panic.

He spends the rest of the game on the bench, and it pisses him off. He wants to be out there, and even though he’s in a world of trouble for round one, he wants another go at Kevin. If he ignores what’s going to happen with Riko in a few hours, he feels better than he has in months. He almost feels like he can breathe. 

\--

The Ravens crush the Foxes. No one is surprised, but it takes a weight off the Ravens’ shoulders. Everyone is hoping Riko will go back to being himself now. His violence and temper are easier to handle when he’s being predictable. The only one not relieved is Nathaniel.

The bus ride home is silent. Most of the team is sleeping. But Jean and Nathaniel can’t sleep. In the darkness, Nathaniel allows himself a moment of weakness, and laces his fingers with Jean’s. He buries his face in Jean’s shoulder, and Jean holds him close. They both know the night is far from over for Nathaniel, and it keeps them awake. 

When the bus finally pulls back into the nest, Nathaniel waits until everyone else has gotten off the bus to finally leave. He knows where Riko is waiting for him, and he grabs his last few moments of freedom. Jean shadows him to the door of the conference room, gives his hand one last squeeze, and disappears, leaving Nathaniel to face his fate.

Riko is perched on the edge of the table when Nathaniel enters. Nathaniel leans back against the door, doesn’t speak.

“What were my instructions to you tonight?” Riko asks him. He has a calm facade on but Nathaniel can hear the danger in his voice.

“To humiliate him,” Nathaniel answers, and his voice sounds small and scared.

“Did I tell you to put your hands on him?” Riko asks.

Nathaniel hesitates before answering. “No.”

“No, I didn’t.” Riko is on his feet, and Nathaniel can’t help but wince as Riko grabs his hair and smashes his head against the door. He groans. Riko’s face is close to his. “Even injured Kevin is worth more than you will ever be,” Riko spits.

Riko backs away and suddenly a fist connects with Nathaniel’s face, and he drops to the floor, arms braced over his face. He doesn’t fight back as Riko kicks him repeatedly. He lets his mind wander away until the beating ends. He slumps on the floor when Riko leaves, chest heaving. The adrenaline wears off and he can feel the aches in his ribs, his legs, his arms, everywhere Riko’s foot had connected with him. His face throbs.

Jean’s face appears above him, and Nathaniel reaches for him. Jean carefully pulls him to his feet, carries most of his weight. Nathaniel lets the blackness take over as Jean takes him back to their room and puts him back together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to get back to updating regularly! Chapter 10 is going to take me a bit longer, because I'm going to be an emotional wreck trying to write it, so bear with me!


	10. Chapter 10

Jean is worried. He’ll never admit it, but there’s something wrong with Nathaniel.Ever since the game against the Ravens, and his beating by Riko, he’s been on edge. His playing has suffered, and he’s fallen out of Riko’s graces. Their last several games, Nathaniel’s been pulled off the starting line up. It’s wounded his pride, that much is easy to tell. 

 

Presently, Jean is sprawled across his bed, pretending to be asleep, while Nathaniel anxiously paces the room. He’s muttering to himself about how Riko is trying to ruin his career before it’s even begun. He sounds angry but, Jean knows he’s scared. Riko has been particularly cruel to Nathaniel lately, punishing him for the slightest mistakes. The sight of new scars makes Jean see red, but there’s nothing he can do. 

 

After ten minutes, Jean has had enough. “Nathaniel,” he groans, rolling on his side, and opening his eyes. “You are going to wear a hole in the floor if you don’t stop.” He reaches out a hand, and stares meaningfully at Nathaniel until he crawls into the bed next to Jean. Jean wraps an arm around Nathaniel, pulling him close, and Nathaniel tucks his face into the crook of Jean’s neck, fists his hands in Jean’s shirt.

 

“He’s going to ruin me Jean,” Nathaniel whispers, and his voice shakes. “He’s never going to forgive me.”

 

“Shh little one,” Jean murmurs, running his fingers through Nathaniel’s curls. It hurts to see Nathaniel scared. “Just give it a while. It’ll blow over before next semester begins.” 

 

Nathaniel doesn’t answer, just presses himself closer to Jean. Jean hugs him close, presses a kiss against the top of his head. “We’ve been through worse, we’ll get through this too. Come on now, get some sleep.” Jean reaches down, and pulls the covers up over the both of them.

 

\--

 

“Nathaniel, Jean, come with me,” Riko says one night at the end of practice. The rest of the team scatters, filing into the locker room. Nathaniel’s entire body tenses up, and Jean’s hand on the small of his back is the only thing that gets him moving. The sight of the conference room sends a stab of ice to his heart. It’s been weeks since Riko beat him but the phantom pain flares up. 

 

Jean pushes him into the room, and Nathaniel situates himself as far away from Riko as possible. The press of Jean’s thigh against his grounds him.

 

Riko sits at the front of the room, and stares down the table at the two of them. It’s hard to tell what he’s thinking. He’s barely spoken to them in weeks, except to throw criticism their way. He clasps his hands in front of himself.

 

“The winter banquet is coming up,” Riko says, and Nathaniel does a double take. This isn’t really where he was expecting this to go.  
“Okay?” Nathaniel answers tentatively after a few moments of silence.

 

Riko looks at him like he’s speaking to a toddler. “This years’ banquet will take place here, in the nest. And we need to put on a united front, even though I can barely stand the sight of you two.” Riko stands. “Nathaniel, you’re back on first string for last two games of this semester. Don’t piss me off again and maybe I’ll let you stay there.”

 

Jean squeezes Nathaniel’s knee under the table and for the first time in weeks Nathaniel feels like he can breathe right. “Thank you Riko,” he says, and hates the desperation in his voice. The last few weeks he’s felt more miserable than he has since his first weeks in the nest.

 

“I expect no more incidents from you at the banquet. In fact, it would be best if you didn’t speak. Am I understood?” Riko asks.

 

“Yes, Riko.” Nathaniel nods. He’ll do whatever it takes to be back on the starting lineup. He can handle kissing ass, he’s been doing it for ten years.

 

That night Jean tries to kiss the smile off his face

 

\--

 

By the time the winter banquet rolls around, Nathaniel is practically in a good mood. Riko’s stopped punishing him, and he’s back on the starting lineup. His days are spent in classes and practice, and his nights spent in Jean’s bed. He almost feels content for the first time in his life. 

 

He’s glad the banquet is in the nest. It’s the last major commitment of the season, and he’s thankful they don’t have to travel for it. He wants to get through it, and then have his week to relax a little before winter practices begin in full force. And secretly, he’s interested to see Kevin’s reaction to being back in the nest.

 

Practice is cancelled the day of the banquet. Mats are rolled out across the gym floor. Nathaniel watches from a doorway as tables are set up. He breathes out a sigh of relief when he sees that the Ravens are seated nowhere near the Foxes. He watches for awhile longer before eventually wandering back to his room. 

 

Jean is sitting on his bed, headphones in, humming along to whatever he’s listening to. Nathaniel curls up on the bed next to him. Jean smiles, and leans over, pressing a kiss against Nathaniel’s head. Nathaniel contents himself with dozing on Jean’s shoulder until it’s time to get dressed.

 

\--

 

The banquet is calm compared to the chaos that had been their dinner with the Foxes. Nathaniel heeds Riko’s warning to keep his mouth shut. Despite needling from Breckenridge, Nathaniel keeps his cool. He distracts himself with stuffing his face and spiking his drinks with the flask in Jean’s pocket. By the time dinner ends he’s pretty solidly tipsy. He frowns when he shakes the flask and realizes there’s nothing there.

 

Dinner is finishing up at that point, and everyone is starting to wander away from their tables to mingle and party. Nathaniel stands up, and sets a hand on Jean’s shoulder. “I’m going back to our room for a refill,”he says, indicating the flask in his hand.

 

“Lord Nathaniel, have you really finished it already?” Jean asks but he’s smiling.

 

“I think you helped a bit,” Nathaniel answers. “I’ll be back soon.” He heads across the court and through the locker room. He’s barely into the dark halls of the nest before he’s being shoved against a wall. His first thought is to fight back, and his second is Riko. He drops his hands to his sides, lets his mind go blank. Riko’s got him cornered and he never knows how bad it’s going to be.

 

It takes him several moments to realize he’s being shaken. “Nathaniel. Nathaniel. Jesus. Come on Nathaniel,” the voice says. That’s not Riko. When Neil realizes it’s Kevin, the urge to fight rises back up, and he shoves Kevin away from him. Kevin takes a step back and watches Nathaniel like he’s a wounded animal.

 

“I thought you were Riko,” Nathaniel mutters, and the way Kevin flinches is almost satisfying.

 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have startled you, but I didn’t think you’d talk to me if I asked.”

 

Nathaniel crosses his arms. “You’re right. What do you want?”

 

“I want to talk,” Kevin says, and Nathaniel snorts. “There’s things you need to know Nathaniel, I’m being serious here.”

 

Nathaniel stares him down, but Kevin refuses to back down. “Fine,” Nathaniel sighs. “Ten minutes, that’s all you get.” He sets off down the hallway, trusting Kevin will follow. He hesitates with his hand on the doorway to the conference room. It should be safe enough. He doubts Riko will be wandering the halls, not tonight when he’s put on his best face, a real King of the castle.

 

Nathaniel settles in his normal seat, props his feet on the table and leans his chair against the wall. Kevin settles into the seat he used to occupy. It feels like a million years ago that the four of them used to sit around the table, scheming, planning, talking about how they would all make court. Nathaniel can’t believe he’d thought he was happy, and that nothing would ever end what they had. 

 

“Nine minutes,” Nathaniel says when Kevin doesn’t start talking.

 

Kevin sighs and rubs his hands over his face. “There’s stuff you need to know,” Kevin starts, and stops. Nathaniel merely raises an eyebrow. Kevin looks conflicted. He opens his mouth to start talking, and closes it again. Nathaniel just waits him out.

 

“It’s time you found out why I really left.” This has Nathaniel’s attention. He sits up, and stares at Kevin.

 

“You were drunk and you fucked up and broke your hand,” Nathaniel says. “And then you ran like a fucking coward.” He spits the last part but Kevin can hear the note of uncertainty.

 

Kevin laughs. “Is that the story Riko’s telling? That’s even less believable than a skiing accident.”

 

Nathaniel stares at him. “Well they weren’t going to tell everyone Exy’s darling fucked himself up.” Nathaniel is on the offense. He wants Kevin to stop talking, he doesn’t know where this is going, and it’s starting to freak me out.

 

“Riko broke my hand Nathaniel.” There’s not emotion in his voice, and somehow that scares Nathaniel more.

 

He’s on his feet before he even realizes. “You’re lying.” He’s yelling at Kevin and he doesn’t care. “”You’re a fucking liar.”

 

Kevin stands too. “Really? Think about it Nathaniel. For once in your life think for yourself.” Now Kevin is angry too. “Do you really think it’s a coincidence that I get what should have been a career ending injury right when people were starting to say Riko was holding me back? Really Nathaniel. You know what Riko is capable of.”

 

“You’re lying,” Nathaniel says again, but he doesn’t sound convincing. He feels like his knees are going to give out. It doesn’t make sense, his brain is spinning. But at the same time it makes perfect sense, and he can’t believe he didn’t see it earlier. He shakes his head anyway.

 

“Jean never told you?” Kevin asks.

 

“Jean?” Nathaniel’s answer is a question. “What do you mean?”

 

Kevin looks like he’s started something he doesn’t know how to finish. “Nathaniel, Jean is the one who helped me escape.” He’s walking towards Nathaniel, and he pauses when Nathaniel backs himself into a corner. 

 

“I know it’s a lot to take in, Nathaniel, I know, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier, but I needed you to know the truth.” He rests his hand on Nathaniel’s shoulder, and Nathaniel grabs him by the wrist.

 

“Touch me again and I will break your other hand,” he spits, and stomps out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember how I said this chapter was going to be emotionally taxing to write? Well I haven't even gotten to the part I was talking about, oops. I decided to split this chapter up into two, possibly three parts, because otherwise it would just be too long and take me too long to write the whole thing, so here's part one!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Major trigger warnings apply for this chapter, please check the notes at the bottom and stay safe.

Nathaniel storms out of the room, leaving a stunned Kevin behind. He barely realizes he’s stomped back onto the court until he sees the back of Jean’s head. Jean is talking with a group of people, but he turns when someone points at Nathaniel approaching them. Jean is smiling, and he opens his mouth to greet Nathaniel, but Nathaniel’s fist meets his face before he can get a word out.   
Caught off guard, Jean stumbles. He would’ve fallen to the floor if another player hadn’t caught him. “Nathaniel, what the fuck?” he shouts, regaining his balance. Nathaniel doesn’t answer, merely goes at him again, fists flying. He doesn’t care where his blows land, just that he hits Jean as hard as he can.  
The two of them crash to the ground in a tangle of limbs. Nathaniel wails on Jean, and Jean mostly lets him, only trying to protect his face. It does nothing but make Nathaniel angrier. Even when he’s being attacked, Jean is still trying to protect him. Jean hurt him, and he wants Jean to hurt just as much.   
He hasn’t done nearly enough damage when he’s yanked off Jean. He tries to fight against it, but it’s someone bigger than he is, and his arms are pinned to his sides. He snarls down at Jean, who hasn’t moved from where Nathaniel left him; his lip is bleeding, and Nathaniel can already see bruises forming. “Why?” is all Jean asks.  
“Because you knew the whole time, you bastard,” Nathaniel spits, and the arms around him tighten.  
Jean’s eyes flick off to the distance for a moment and understanding crosses his face. Before Jean can say anything, they’re both distracted by Riko’s angry approach.   
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Riko’s voice is low and dangerous and the adrenaline rushes out of Nathaniel, replaced with dread. “I told you to keep yourself in line, Wesninski. You can’t do a simple fucking task right. I’m finished with you.” Riko sounds almost calm, and somehow, it’s more terrifying than if he were in a fit of rage.   
Riko steps back and looks between Nathaniel and Jean, who’s finally back on his feet. “You two get out of my sight and sort this out while I go smooth this over with the coaches.” He starts to walk away before turning back and staring Nathaniel down. “And then, I will come find you.”  
The arms holding him disappear, but Nathaniel barely notices. Jean grabs his arm and pulls him across the court, dragging him to their room. Everyone is staring at them, but the last half hour is whirling through Nathaniel’s mind, and Riko’s threat looms in front of him.  
“What the fuck, Nathaniel?” Jean practically shouts as he shoves him through the door of their room. The question brings the simmering rage back to the surface.  
He turns and shoves Jean against the door. “You knew the entire time. The entire fucking time, Jean. You knew what Riko did to Kevin. You even fucking helped him get out of here,” Neil laughs, loud and bitter. He steps back and starts pacing the room, tugging at his hair. “You knew all of this, and you didn’t tell me. Jean, you didn’t tell me.” Nathaniel’s voice is frantic now. “You have been my partner for years, and you didn’t tell me. I didn’t know you were capable of keeping secrets from me. Why, Jean?”  
There are tears on Nathaniel’s face and he can feel Jean’s eyes on him. He hasn’t cried since his mother died, and he was first brought to the Nest. He’d been beaten so badly he’d never cried again.  
“Little one,” Jean whispers, and cautiously moves closer, reaching up to wipe away the tears. Nathaniel flinches and steps away. “Kevin asked me not to tell you. He didn’t want to put you in danger. He cared more about me keeping you safe than anything, even after--” Jean’s voice breaks. “Even after what happened.” Jean steps back and slumps into his desk chair, shoulders hunched in defeat. “Neither of us ever thought this would happen, that this would become such a mess. I should have told you.”  
“You should have.” Nathaniel’s voice is hard again, his temporary weakness gone. His cold facade is back in place. He owes Jean nothing, and he won’t let himself lapse again.  
“I don’t know what to say, Nathaniel. There’s nothing I can say to make this right, but I’m sorry.” Jean almost pleads, but Nathaniel ignores him in favor of fishing out his Raven duffle bag and throwing it on the bed.   
“What are you doing, Nathaniel?” Jean asks, standing up and walking over.  
“Leaving,” Nathaniel snaps. “I’m not staying here another night. Riko is a fucking monster and I’m done. I’m done with all of this. I’m done with being a piece of meat, and a toy for that sadistic fuck.”  
“Nathaniel, you can’t.” Jean tries to tug at his arm, but Nathaniel slaps him away.  
“You can come with me or you can get the fuck out of my way.”  
“Nathaniel, you can’t leave. He’ll never let you go,” Jean says. He reaches for Nathaniel again but thinks better of it and lets his hand drop.  
“He’s not going to know until it’s too late to do anything. He can’t scare me back, Jean. If he hasn’t gotten Kevin back yet, he’s not getting me back either.” Nathaniel is rifling through his night stand, tossing essentials into his duffle bag.  
“Please, listen to me. He’ll kill you if you try to leave. Please, stay with me,” Jean pleads, and this time, he grabs Nathaniel by the shoulders. Nathaniel pulls out of his grip and turns to meet his gaze.  
“Jean, he’ll kill me if I stay. You know it. You can feel it as much as I can. We both know I’m in more danger if I stay here. You have to let me go,” he begs, his eye wide and wild. “Come with me, Jean.”  
Jean sighs and moves away to the dresser, shakes his head, then pulls open a drawer. He stares into it for a moment before pulling out a stack of clothing and handing it to Nathaniel.   
“I can’t leave, but I won’t stop you,” Jean all but whispers.   
Nathaniel zips the bag shut and turns around, staring up at Jean. “Thank you,” is all he says. His voice wavers, but Jean doesn’t comment. The tension between them is suffocating, neither of them willing or able to say goodbye.  
Jean strokes Nathaniel’s cheek. “Be careful,” is his answer.  
Nathaniel turns away and lets himself out of the room. He moves quickly but quietly. The banquet is both a blessing and a curse: all of the attention is focused on the court, and sneaking around the Nest is a lot easier, but the real problem will be once he gets outside. There’s security everywhere, and he doubts they’re going to just let him walk through the gates, especially not when they’re on the Moriyama’s payroll.  
Still, he stops and checks around each corner as he works his way through the labyrinth of hallways. He lets out a breath when he reaches the locker room. He can’t believe he’s actually doing this, but now that he knows the truth, he can’t stay here. Riko is irredeemable now. Nathaniel knows that if he stays, he’ll never make it out alive.  
The locker room is empty, which he’s immensely thankful for. He stops at his locker to shove a few more things into his bag before sneaking towards the door.   
He doesn’t make it there. He doesn’t hear Riko come up behind him. All he knows is the pain of a racquet connecting with his skull before he’s falling to the ground. He struggles, trying to regain his footing even as his vision swims in front of him.   
“I told you I would find you.”  
Riko laughs and hits Nathaniel again, this time across the back. Nathaniel wheezes and tries to pull air into his lungs. He’s trying to crawl towards the door, yell for help, anything. This time is different than the other beatings he’s gotten. Nathaniel doesn’t know if he’ll make it out of this whole. Flashes of Kevin’s ruined hand go through his mind.   
Riko stomps on his hand, and Nathaniel’s shout comes out strangled. Riko shoves him with the racquet until he’s laying on his back before crouching down and smiling at him.   
“Now, now, Nathaniel, no need to involve other people. You know it’s best if you just keep quiet. We’ll just keep this between the two of us, won’t we?” Riko’s face blurs and Nathaniel struggles to focus his vision. Riko stands up and steps back, watching Nathaniel struggle.   
His eyes land on Nathaniel’s duffle bag on the floor, and he smiles again. “And what is this?” He nudges the bag with his foot. “Did you think you were going to leave?” Nathaniel struggles to his feet, gripping a locker to keep himself up. “That’s sweet.” Riko eyes him. “Naive, but sweet. Don’t forget, Nathaniel, you belong to me.”  
Riko steps closer to Nathaniel, grabs him by the collar. “Now tell me what’s gotten into you tonight and maybe we can end this here, and I’ll forget about this… indiscretion.”  
“I know what you did to Kevin,” Nathaniel says, struggling for words. His head feels like it’s filled with cotton.   
Riko rolls his eyes. “Everyone but you knows what I did to Kevin. And you know what, Nathaniel? I would do it again. I enjoyed it. I want to crush every last bit of spirit out of him. Kevin didn’t know his place, and apparently he still doesn’t.”  
Nathaniel’s head starts to loll, black fuzz filling his vision, but Riko’s other hand grabs his hair, yanking his head back. “But you know your place, don’t you?” Riko smiles at him. This is his chance, and Nathaniel knows he should take it. Riko is offering him an out, and he would be smart to take it, but Nathaniel is past the point of reason.  
He spits in Riko’s face.  
Riko startles backwards. He wipes his face off but doesn’t move to hit Nathaniel again, taking another step back instead. “You want to leave? Go. The door is right there.” He even gestures to it. Nathaniel can smell the trap. Riko stares at him. “Leave, or I will kill you.”   
Nathaniel carefully edges past him, towards the door. He knows Riko won’t really let him go, but he’s going to try anyway. He tries to run for it, but the next blow hits him behind the knees and he collapses, smashing his head against a bench as he falls. The world is blurry and the edges are going black, but the pain of Riko grabbing his hair again clears his vision just a little bit. The room is moving around him, and Riko’s face seems to multiply.  
“I changed my mind,” Riko tells him from where he’s crouched over Neil, a foot on either side of him. “I’m going to kill you.”  
Riko grabs his arm, and Nathaniel doesn’t understand what’s going on, can’t focus long enough see what Riko is doing. It isn’t until the icy tip of a blade digs into his flesh that it clicks. Nathaniel tries to scream but his voice won’t come out. He can’t make his limbs work. All he can do is watch the blood that’s now flowing out of both of his wrists. Riko stands.   
“Oh, Nathaniel. I wish I could say this saddens me, but I never really liked you.”  
The last blow is to the side of his head, and all he knows is darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for graphic violence, and self harm.  
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> Riko brutally attacks Neil, and makes it appear as though he's cut his wrists.
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you all for reading! This is part 2 of what I split up, and there'll be one more part to the banquet. Ive been dreading and looking forward to this chapter since I started writing, and it was one of the first things I plotted out. I only hope I've done it justice.


	12. Chapter 12

There are few things that Andrew Minyard enjoys in life, and exy banquets certainly don’t make the list. The Nest is as dull as he expected it to be. To some, the dark walls and dim lighting might be intimidating, but even fewer things scare him. As a whole, the banquet is disappointing, especially given the chaos of the earlier one.

Instead of being seated across from the Ravens, this time they’re seated across from the Trojans, much to Kevin’s delight. Andrew sits back and watches his teammates chat with the other players, though he doesn’t participate. Kevin is practically beaming as he and Jeremy Knox trade stories. Andrew only considers rolling his eyes twice. He’s thankful for the distraction, honestly. Kevin has been a mess for the last week, and it’s been both worrying and annoying. On the bus ride, he’d been certain Kevin was about to give himself a heart attack. It had been a little funny.

It should be a good thing that nothing bad has happened yet, but it’s just so boring. At least when shit is going down, it’s a good show. He’s counting down the hours until they can get back on the bus and leave this shit show. 

After dinner he’s content to follow Kevin around as he floats from group to group. He has his professional face in place, chatting about exy rankings and professional players. No one tries to speak to Andrew, and he plans for it to stay that way. He keeps an eye out for Riko. For the moment Riko seems content to bask in the attention of the coaches. Andrew hopes he stays there.

“Andrew,” Kevin says, and it pulls him out of his thoughts.

“What?” he asks. Kevin looks nervous. “What?” he repeats.

“I need to go do something.” Kevin fidgets.

Andrew stares at him. “Something stupid, I assume.”

“I need to talk to Nathaniel.”

“I assumed correctly,” Andrew says and he watches Kevin squirm uncomfortably. “Whatever. I’m not your babysitter, do whatever you want.”

Andrew follows Kevin part of the way to the locker room before stopping to lean against the wall. He keeps Riko in his sights as Kevin disappears. It seems like hours before he hears footsteps, but it’s not Kevin who appears. Rather, a very pissed off looking redhead storms by. Andrew practically cackles when Nathaniel crashes into Jean. The night is finally getting entertaining.

Kevin appears a few moments later, pale and quiet, and Andrew laughs again, and turns his attention back to the chaos. “Talk went well, then?” he asks.

“Great,” Kevin answers sullenly. Jean and Nathaniel storm past them into the locker rooms.

The excitement dies off after that. Riko, Jean and Nathaniel have all disappeared and taken the drama with them. Andrew wanders towards the dessert table, a sullen Kevin following him. He loads up a plate and takes it back to the table. He waves a brownie in Kevin’s direction, but Kevin just scowls at him.

“Go flirt with Jeremy if you’re not going to be interesting,” Andrew says through a full mouth.

Kevin looks up at him. 

Andrew shrugs. “Riko’s gone, Nathaniel’s gone. Unless you have someone else who wants you dead, I don’t need to babysit you right now.” 

Kevin doesn’t move.

“Go away, Kevin.”

After Kevin leaves, Andrew chows through his plate of desserts and watches the crowd. He’s still on the lookout for Riko’s return. Kevin has found his way to Jeremy and looks genuinely happy for the first time in Andrew’s memory. He takes the time to eye out each of the foxes, making sure all of them, even the upperclassmen, are safe. Renee catches his eye and smiles, waving at him. 

He gets up and makes his way over to her. She’s chatting with the girls from other teams. They quiet down when Andrew makes his way over, his reputation preceding him, but Renee keeps on talking and eventually the other girls join back in. Andrew leans against the wall, not really listening. 

His eyes catch on Jean as he reenters the court. He looks uneasy, his eyes darting around the room. Whether he’s looking for Nathaniel or Riko, Andrew isn’t sure yet. 

Riko returns sometime later, looking smug. Andrew’s eyes narrow suspiciously. His eyes dart to Kevin, who’s still with Jeremy. Riko hasn’t noticed him, doesn’t even seem to care. Instead, he has eyes only for Jean. He walks quickly across the room and drops an arm around Jean’s shoulder. Andrew notices the way Jean flinches. The grin on Riko’s face is predatory, all teeth. He leans in to Jean, and whispers something, then laughs like they’re sharing a joke. Andrew doesn’t miss the horror that crosses Jean’s face. He pulls away from Riko and darts out of the room as fast as he can without making a scene.

Andrew waits a few moments before leaning in to whisper to Renee. “I’ll be right back.” She smiles and nods at him and falls back into her conversation.

He walks casually across the court, keeps his eyes on Riko, now surrounded by Ravens, before slipping off the court and into the locker rooms. Kevin will have to hold his own for a few minutes.

He creeps quietly, but before long he can hear sobbing. He fingers the knives under his wristband, prepared. But, he’s not prepared for what he sees when he reaches the lockers. There’s blood everywhere. It’s covering the floor, and both of the people on the floor. 

“What the fuck,” slips out of his mouth before he can stop himself. 

Jean looks up at him, tears streaming down his face. “Help me, please help.” 

It startles Andrew into action. He kneels down on the floor, and takes the rag from Jean, presses it firmly against Nathaniel’s wrist.

“Tell me what happened,” Andrew says, and it’s an order.

“Riko,” Jean’s voice cracks around the word. “Riko did this. Nathaniel wanted to leave. He was trying to leave and Riko caught him.” Jean’s breath is coming in rapid gasps, his words very audible. “Oh god he’s going to die.”

Andrew reaches over, and pulls Nathaniel’s other wrist out of Jean’s grasp. “Go get bandages, whatever you have. He’s not going to die.” It’s possible he’s lying. Nathaniel is sickeningly pale, and his breath shallow, but Andrew isn’t a quitter. 

Jean nods, seeming a little more centered now that he’s been given a task. He stumbles to his feet and off to some other part of the nest. Andrew leans over Nathaniel, pressing his weight against the cloth on both of his wrists. They’re both soaked and he can’t tell if the blood is slowing down or not. He can feel blood seeping through the fabric of his pants.

Jean rushes back into the room, drops the bandages on the floor as he kneels down. “Take your hands off that wrist and I’ll bandage it.”

Andrew complies, and leans back on his knees, his one hand still clasped tight around Nathaniel’s other wrist. Jean pulls the cloth off, and the blood has definitely slowed down. Andrew silently hopes it’s not because there’s not much blood left. Nathaniel hasn’t stirred, and his breathing is still weak. Jean finishes bandaging his wrist, and Andrew reaches out his hand for the bandages. He wraps Nathaniel’s other wrist with a quick efficiency. He doesn’t think about why he knows so much about this.

“Why was he leaving?” Andrew asks as he ties off the bandage.

A look of guilt flashes across Jean’s face. “Kevin told him what Riko did to him. He didn’t know.” Jean’s voice is quiet, but Andrew isn’t here to appease his guilt.

Jean is cradling Nathaniel’s head in his lap when Nathaniel finally stirs. “Jean,” he rasps, and Jean sobs. 

“Little one,” he whispers, presses his forehead against Nathaniel’s. “It’s going to be okay.” But Nathaniel is already slipping away again, eyes fluttering shut.

Andrew’s made up his mind. “Help me get him up,” he tells Jean, hooking a hand under Nathaniel’s shoulder.

“What?” Jean asks, dumbfounded.

Andrew huffs. “I’m taking him back to Palmetto. Help me get him up and on the bus.”

Jean hesitates before nods decisively. “Okay. Okay.” He eases out from under Nathaniel, and carefully helps Andrew lift him. Nathaniel is dead weight between them and Jean ends up taking Nathaniel from Andrew, carrying him the way he has many times before. Andrew walks ahead of him, keeping an eye out for Riko, or anyone else.

They get out of the building easily, everyone is distracted by the banquet. The foxes bus is parked at the farthest end of the lot, and they move quickly passed the other teams’ buses, carefully avoiding the security guards.

“Put him all the way in the back,” Andrew orders as they board the bus. Jean carries Nathaniel carefully towards the last row, and lays him gently on the seat. If he didn’t know better, he’d think Nathaniel was sleeping, his messy curls framing his face.

Jean straightens back up. “You’ll take care of him, won’t you?” he asks without turning around. 

“I will,” Andrew answers. 

“Your team needs to leave now, before Riko realizes Nathaniel is still alive,” Jean says, turning around in time to see Andrew nod. 

Jean spares one last glance back at Nathaniel before following Andrew off the bus and back to the nest. His heart is tight between his worry about Nathaniel, and the knowledge of what’s going to happen once Riko finds out he’s gone. 

Andrew breaks off from Jean, and heads back to the court. His eyes lock on Kevin, still safe from Riko, then on Wymack. Wymack sees him as he approaches and his eyes widen.

“Andrew, why the fuck are you covered in blood?”

“We’re leaving now,” is Andrew’s only answer.

“Andrew.” Wymack’s tone has Andrew reaching for his knives.

“We’re leaving now. I suggest you listen because things are about to get messy around here,” Andrew says.

Wymack thinks for a moment before shaking his head in resignation. “Get out of here before someone notices you. I’ll get the team.”

Andrew turns around and stalks back out, and back to the bus. He walks towards the back of the bus. Nathaniel is still unconscious, and unnervingly still. Andrew doesn’t know why he’s doing this. Nathaniel is nothing to him, means nothing to him. The last thing he needs is another stray to watch after. He sneers at the unconscious boy before moving up a row and sitting.

Fifteen minutes later the rest of the team files onto the bus, looking at him quizzically. He stands when Nicky and Aaron make their way back to him. “Move up a row,” he orders. Nicky opens his mouth to say something, but a glare from Andrew silences him. Kevin wanders towards the back, and takes in Andrew, his eyes landing on the blood.

“Andrew. What did you do?” His voice sounds panicky. 

Andrew smiles. “I took something from Riko.”

Kevin’s breathing hitches, and Andrew can see the way his hands shake. He pushes past Andrew, and practically trips.

“Nathaniel!” He shouts, and it’s loud in the sudden silence of the bus. A dozen pair of eyes are on Andrew.

“Andrew, explain,” Wymack demands.

“It’s simple, really,” Andrew explains. “We’re adopting a new fox.” He pauses for a moment and lets it sink in. “Oh, and coach?”

“What?” Wymack’s voice is strangled.

“I want off my meds. Now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus, it's been 2 1/2 months. I'm so sorry. This chapter was hell to write. Remind me to never attempt Andrew POV again....  
> As always thanks to Jace, the best beta I could ask for, and for everyone of you who reads this!


	13. Chapter 13

The first thing that registers is the pain. There’s not a single part of his body that doesn’t ache. Awareness comes back in slow waves: he’s in a bed, his head hurts, he doesn’t hear anyone else, his ribs ache. Sunlight blinds him as he drags himself fully awake, and he blinks into the light, confused. There’s no sun in the Nest. It hits him suddenly that he doesn’t know this room. He has no idea where he is.

He struggles to sit up, his body fighting every move. He’s winded by the time he’s up. He leans against the headboard to catch his breath. He takes in the bandages wrapped tightly around his arms and remembers what Riko did to him. He feels nauseous and has to bite back the panic that’s rising. He doesn’t know where he is, or what Riko has in store for him.

The only thing he knows is that he’s in danger, and he has to get out of here, immediately. He pushes himself to his feet, his head and wrists screaming in pain. He has to take a moment to breathe and come back to his senses. He looks around, but sees nothing that’ll help him. He spares a glance at the door. He doesn’t hear anyone moving around, but he doesn’t trust it. He’ll have to go through the window. He stumbles over to it and curses. It’s on the second floor.

Still, it’s his only choice. He pushes the window open, his arms screaming in protest. He pants harshly. He’s pretty sure he’s opened up his wounds again. He leans forward to look out the window, but his vision blurs, and he stumbles, hitting the floor as the world fades back to black.

He feels worse the next time he wakes up. The room spins without him even moving, and it takes an enormous amount of effort to pry his eyelids open. He’s still in the same room, but he’s no longer alone. A stranger sits in a chair in front of the window, his eyes glued to the pages of a book. It takes Nathaniel a few long moments to place a name with the face. His head feels stuffed with cotton. Thoughts come slowly and drift away quickly.

For a moment, he thinks it’s Andrew Minyard sitting in front of him, but the bare forearms tell him it’s Aaron. Confusion clouds his thoughts. It’s too hard to string anything together, or to keep his eyes open, and he lets himself slip back into the blissful dark.

The third time he wakes up, the fog has dissipated a bit, and he feels like he can think again. Aaron Minyard is no longer in the room, and the person who’s replaced him is anything but a stranger. Neil stares at Kevin, mind rushing. What the hell is going on?

Kevin must feel Nathaniel’s gaze, because he looks up from his phone, and drops it in shock. It hits the floor with a bang that makes Nathaniel’s head pound. Kevin practically throws himself across the room, sitting roughly on the bed.

“Nathaniel,” he breathes, reaching to run his hands through Nathaniel’s hair. Nathaniel slaps at him weakly, having none of it. Kevin ignores him and cradles Nathaniel’s head. “I thought I was going to lose you.” His voice sounds rough, and something twinges in Nathaniel’s chest. Kevin leans down, pressing his forehead gently against Nathaniel’s. Nathaniel wants to shove him away, but his body betrays him, and his hand reaches up to grab Kevin’s shirt. Nathaniel holds Kevin tight, anchoring himself.

“I thought I was going to die,” he whispers, a shudder running through his body. Kevin pulls him closer, and Nathaniel holds on for dear life, hating himself for his own weakness. 

He lets Kevin hold him for longer than he should. Kevin is warm and solid and real and the first good thing Nathaniel has felt in days. He starts to feel drowsy again, the brain fog rolling back in. He has a concussion--he’s had enough in the Nest to know--but he fights against it.

“Where am I?” The question pops out of his mouth before he even realizes he thought it. It’s been nagging at his thoughts since the first time he woke up.

Kevin sits back up, and his eyes look red. Nathaniel can’t look at him. “You’re in Palmetto. This is our team nurse’s house.”

“But why am I here?” Nathaniel questions. He wants to sit up, but his entire body aches. He stares at the bandages on his wrists. There’s blood leaking through them.

It takes Kevin a long time to answer, long enough that Nathaniel starts to think he won’t answer. “Jean and Andrew got you out,” he finally says, voice trailing off. “After Riko… after what he did, they found you, and they got you out.” Kevin picks at a loose thread on the blanket. Nathaniel can’t help but wonder how much Kevin is thinking of his own escape from the Nest. “Andrew smuggled you onto our bus and convinced Coach to bring you back here.”

There’s clearly more to the story, but Kevin is struggling, and Nathaniel takes advantage of the pause. “Why?” is all he can think to ask. “Why Andrew? He hates me almost as much as he hates Riko.”

Kevin shakes his head slightly. “I don’t know, Nathaniel. I honestly don’t know.”

“What am I supposed to do now?” Nathaniel asks. He wishes he could sink farther into the bed. The pounding in his head is almost intolerable, and the pain in his body is getting worse. 

Kevin avoids the question. “I’ll let Abby know you’re awake, she’ll get you some more medicine,” he says, standing suddenly. He rushes from the room, and Nathaniel sighs, letting his eyes drift shut.

He opens them when he hears the door open and shut. A kind-looking lady stands at the end of the bed with a glass of water and a handful of pills. Nathaniel knows better than to judge a book by its cover. She smiles at him, and Nathaniel feels defensive.

“Hi Nathaniel, I’m Abby. I’m just going to ask you a couple of questions, okay?” She sets everything down on the table beside the bed and pulls the chair over to sit next to him. “How are you feeling?”

She looks so earnest, Nathaniel can’t help but snort, but he doesn’t answer.

She takes it in stride. “You’re pretty banged up. You’ve got pretty severe bruising and several lacerations besides the ones on your wrists, but thankfully nothing is broken.” She frowns slightly and Nathaniel wonders if she’s thinking about Kevin.

“I’ve got a concussion,” he mumbles. He wishes she would go away and let him sleep.

She studies him for a moment, and must find what she’s looking for, because she nods slightly. “Alright, well, we’ll keep an eye on that too. Are you hungry?” she asks. He shakes his head, and immediately regrets it when the entire room spins and he suddenly feels nauseous. “Okay, well take these and get some rest. I’ll be right down the hall if you need anything.” She stands up and heads for the doorway, then pauses and looks back. Nathaniel can tell she wants to say something, but she must think better of it because she leaves. 

He reaches for the pills on the table and pops them both in his mouth before chugging the entire glass of water. He lets himself fall back against the pillows. He’s going back to sleep and when he wakes up, he’ll decide what he’s going to do.

When he wakes up this time, the room is dark. He wonders how long he’s been asleep. He’s still in pain, but the throbbing in his head has reduced to a dull ache. He lets himself lay there for several long minutes, his mind running a million miles an hour.

He can’t go back to the Nest, Riko made that clear. He can’t think of anywhere he could go that Riko’s wrath wouldn’t follow. And even if he survived Riko, he doubts he could survive his father as well. He thinks about the few years he was on the run with his mother. He’d picked up plenty, but not enough to survive completely on his own. He sighs, tugging at his hair in frustration. He glances at the window. He doesn’t really trust himself to get down two stories in his state. The desperation of earlier has worn off. He wonders if they’d let him walk out the front door.

He pushes himself up, and when the world doesn’t spin, stands up. All of his muscles ache, but it feels good to stretch them. He hesitates at the door for a moment before pulling it open and stepping into the hallway. The floor is cold beneath his feet. He can hear voices downstairs. He wanders towards them, the steps creaking as he descends, and suddenly several pairs of eyes are on him. An awkward silence stretches out for several moments before Abby stands, her chair scraping the floor.

“Nathaniel, it’s good to see you awake. Come, sit down, let me get you something to eat,” she fusses. Nathaniel awkwardly sinks into a chair. He wants to refuse, but his growling stomach has already betrayed him. Abby bustles back in, setting a plate in front of him. “I hope this is okay.” She smiles at him. He just stares blankly back at her, suspicion growing inside him. He’s not used to anyone showing him kindness. 

Kevin senses his hesitation and nudges his foot under the table. “It’s not poisoned, Nathaniel. Relax.” He takes a bite of his own food as proof. Nathaniel glares at him, but starts eating, and quickly realizes how famished he really is. He wolfs down his food, barely tasting it. 

Everyone is pretending not to look at him, though Abby looks up as soon as he finishes. “Do you want some more?” she offers. Nathaniel shakes his head.

Nathaniel watches Kevin and Wymack share a look before Wymack clears his throat. “Nathaniel, can I speak to you in the other room for a moment?” he asks.

Nathaniel freezes, years of beatings rushing through his head. He doesn’t know this man, or what he’s capable of. The urge to bolt is rising along with the panic. A sharp kick breaks the thoughts long enough for his eyes to connect with Kevin’s. Kevin nods at him, telling him it’s okay. Neil still wants to run, but he also wants to trust in Kevin. The two feelings war inside him, but he eventually nods back at Kevin and stands up, following Wymack into the living room. He positions himself just inside the door so he has an easy escape.

Wymack seems to sense his unease and settles himself on the couch on the other side of the room. He seems to be gathering himself. “Listen, Nathaniel. Riko knows you’re here.”

Nathaniel startles. This is not the conversation he was expecting. “What?” It’s the first word he’s said in hours, and the panic is already threatening to overwhelm him.

“Relax, kid,” Wymack says, and it does absolutely no good. “Nathaniel.” Wymack’s voice is sharp and it forces Nathaniel to pay attention. “We’re not giving you back to the Ravens. He won’t touch you.”

“I don’t understand,” Nathaniel whispers.

“I did the same thing for you that I did for Kevin. I spent the day getting you transferred to Palmetto. I have your paperwork, all I need is a signature from you.” Wymack stops there to give Nathaniel a moment to process, but Nathaniel doesn’t know what to say.

“I can’t force you to stay, and I won’t. But if you want to be a Fox, we’ll take you,” Wymack tells him. 

Nathaniel forces himself to take deep breaths, and lets his head fall back against the wall. It’s all too much, too soon. Yesterday he was a Raven, he was Riko’s favorite lap dog. Is he really willing to drop everything and become a Fox? Does he really have a choice anymore? He wonders if Kevin had the same doubts. Thoughts race through his head, blurring together. 

He wants to run. This is too much. His entire life has been upended. He wonders if he should crawl back to Riko. Surely he can beg for forgiveness. If he does this, everything could go to hell. Then he realizes that it’s already happened.

He straightens his spine and looks Wymack in the eye. “I’ll do it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been done for like a month and a half I really don't have any excuses.


	14. Chapter 14

Riko’s hands are around his neck. He;s squeezing and Nathaniel can’t breathe. Riko leers down at Nathaniel, a smile full of razor sharp teeth. Neil tries to fight him off but he can’t move. His arms are pinned down by a heavy weight. He jerks harder, but Riko presses his knees harder into Nathaniel’s chest. When he looks past Riko, his father is there, manic grin on his face as he holds Nathaniel’s arm in one hand and a butcher’s knife in the other. His knife bites into flesh, and Nathaniel tries to scream, but Riko’s grip only tightens.

Nathaniel jerks awake and scrambles to his feet. His heart is threatening to beat out of his chest. At first he doesn’t understand where he is. He doesn’t recognize this place, he isn’t in the nest anymore. It takes him a long moment to remember where he is, and that he’s far away from the nightmare that is the nest. He looks around the room again, taking in his surroundings. The room is dark, lit only by the glow of moonlight through the window. The chair under the window sits empty. Apparently his agreement to stay means he no longer needs to be babysat.

He slumps into the chair, and reaches for the phone that’s on the bedside table. It’s almost dead, but that’s okay, because Nathaniel is almost done with it. He thumbs through his messages until he finds his conversation with Jean. He resists the urge to read through the messages. Sentimentality will do him no good now. He needs to be stronger than he’s ever had to be. He quickly sends a message before dropping his phone into the trash can.

Sois vivant.

He doesn’t expect a reply.

Nathaniel can’t get back to sleep after. He paces the small room for awhile. He doesn’t know what the future holds for him now that he’s a fox. He still doesn’t truly believe it. It boggles his mind to see himself as anything other than a Raven. He doesn’t know how to be a person outside of being Riko’s chew toy. 

An entirely new kind of fear creeps through him. He knows it won’t be that easy. Riko wants him dead, had almost succeeded at killing him. He won’t let Nathaniel go without a fight. Nathaniel knows that well enough. He’d been involved in every step of making Kevin’s life miserable, and now it’s his turn. He wonders if Jean will turn on him now, if he’ll suck up to Riko the way Nathaniel had. Jean has never been as spiteful as Nathaniel, but he was sure Jean’s survival instincts would kick in. He won’t blame Jean for that.

Eventually he leaves the room. He tiptoes down the hallway and to the kitchen in search of a glass of water. He presses his face against the cool surface of the fridge for a long moment and grounds himself in the moment. His name is Nathaniel Wesninski, and he is a survivor. He’s survived his father, survived on the road with his mother. He has survived years in the nest, survived Riko’s temper and tantrums. Has survived multiple attempts on his life. He doesn’t know how but he’ll survive this too.

He takes his glass and wanders through the rest of the house. He’s surprised to find Kevin asleep on the couch. He’s too tall for it and is curled almost in half to make himself fit. It looks uncomfortable, but he’s seen Kevin sleep in far weirder positions. Half of him wants to shove Kevin so he can curl up next to him, but the bigger part of him wants to kick Kevin in the face. He’s still angry. He’s angry about being left, about being lied to, about being abandoned. He wonders if Jean will feel that way towards him. He wouldn’t blame him if he did. 

In the end he leaves Kevin alone, choosing instead to curl up in the chair on the other side of the room. He sinks into it, and sets his glass on the table. He turns the TV on, muting the volume. It doesn’t really matter, Kevin won’t wake up regardless.

He lets the colors of late night infomercials wash over him without paying much attention. He’s too tired to dwell much on his situation. He knows when he wakes up he’s going to have to face the consequences of his choices. But for now, he lets the tv lull him to sleep.

He jerks awake at a sudden touch, limbs flailing. His heart races as he looks around for the threat. His eyes land on Abby, standing a few feet back, a blanket in her hands. 

“I’m sorry,” she apologizes. “You looked cold is all.” She smiles at him.

“No, it’s okay,” he mumbles. It’s not, but she’s been kind to him, and he doesn’t feel like being rude to her. She hands the blanket to him and he takes it with a quiet word of thanks. She backs out of the room.

It’s still early, the sun barely peeking over the hills. He knows he should probably get some more sleep, but years of running on Raven time have screwed up his internal clock. He’s wide awake now. 

Kevin, on the other hand is still dead to the world. Some things clearly don’t change. Nathaniel drags himself out of the chair and steps over to the couch. 

“Kevin,” he tries, not expecting much. Kevin doesn’t move. Nathaniel plants a foot on Kevin’s chest, and shakes him. “Kevin, wake the fuck up.” Kevin groans but doesn’t move. Nathaniel shakes him harder, nonstop, until Kevin finally wakes up enough to grab him by the ankle.

“Fuck off,” Kevin grumbles.

“Get up you ass, we’re going on a run.” Nathaniel kicks him once more before wrenching his foot out of Kevin’s grasp.

“I hate you,” Kevin snaps, but he obediently rolls off the couch and to his feet.

“Feeling is mutual,” Nathaniel answers, leaving the room to find his shoes.  
They run in silence. Kevin is pissed off at being woken up at 6am. Nathaniel is just pissed in general. He’s faster than Kevin but he lets the other man lead them through the neighborhood. His arms burn where Riko cut him, but he pushed through it. Running helped him clear his head, gave him something to focus on. 

After a mile he finally spoke. “Take me to the stadium.” Kevin spared him a look, but changed course, taking them towards campus. 

The stadium appeared on the horizon long before they reached it. It was garish with so much orange, but Nathaniel supposed he was going to have to learn to live with it. He followed Kevin in, trailing a hand over the walls. The last time he had been here he’d been a competitor. He’d been Riko’s right hand man, on top of the world. And now, he’d fallen lower than he knew possible. But, it was better than spending another minute in the nest.

As long as he could keep playing exy, that was all that mattered to him. If he faced the truth, he would have to accept that he most likely wouldn’t make it out of this year alive. Riko had tried once, he wouldn’t fail again. Nathaniel would savor every moment until the end. 

“Nathaniel” Kevin said, and Nathaniel realizes he must have gotten lost in his thoughts. 

“Show her to me,” is his response to Kevin’s unasked question. Kevin leads him through the stadium and Nathaniel breathes in every inch.

Their tour is interrupted as they reach Wymack’s office. The coach hangs up the phone as they come into view. He raises an eyebrow at Kevin. “Don’t you dare put him on that court Day, Abby would skin you alive.”

Kevin looks offended. “I’m not stupid.”

Wymack snorts. “That remains to be seen.” He turns his attention on Nathaniel. “Good news kid, you’re officially a fox. Took care of all the transfer paperwork this morning.”

“Great,” Nathaniel croaks out. It doesn’t feel real. It feels like a fever dream he’ll have to wake up from sometime soon.

“You’ve got two weeks before the ERC announces it. I want the whole team back on campus so I can keep an eye on you all. Until then, try and stay out of trouble.”

“Yes coach,” Kevin answers for the both of them.

Nathaniel wanders towards the court, stares up at the stands towering over him. He’s going to savor every last moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> long time no see? sorry as always for making you guys wait so long


End file.
